Convoke

Chapter 23

Tom hovered, the way his words hovered at the back of his throat. He wanted to be with Ezra all the time. He thought about him constantly. He wanted to tell him that he was starting to like him more than a friend, and he wanted to say that he had noticed that maybe Ezra felt the same.

I'm a coward, he thought, and slumped in the chair next to him.

"What's the matter?" Ezra asked, not looking up from his book.

"Nothing," Tom said quickly.

"You don't have to be here. If you're bored of-"

"I'm not bored. I like being here . . . with you."

Ezra tilted his head, watching him from the corner of his eye. He closed his book and slowly linked fingers over the back of the chair, facing Tom. "Can I ask you a personal question?" His voice was quiet, nervous even.

"Of course."

Ezra rubbed his lips together. He looked away at first, but forced their gazes to lock when he asked, "Why are you single? You said you dated someone before. I don't understand why you of all people would suffer a break-up." Tom blinked with surprise. "I'm sorry, it's none of my business." Ezra moved to open his book again, but Tom softly touched the back of his hand.

"It's okay, I don't mind." He smiled as warmly as he could. "I was dating this girl for three years, but she cheated on me with my best friend . . . not Cal, obviously." Tom stared distantly at the wooden table. "We broke up a year ago now."

A hand moved to his shoulder and rested on it. Ezra watched him with large sad eyes, squeezing his shoulder for comfort. "I'm sorry someone did that to you."

"It's okay, I'm over it now."

"It's not okay." Ezra's hand smoothed up his shoulder until his thumb touched Tom's neck. It rubbed gently against him; a motion that made Tom want to collapse into him. "You really didn't deserve that."

"For a while I thought I did. I thought maybe I had done something wrong, or I hadn't treated her right. But really, she just didn't love me very much." Tom shrugged, and Ezra's hand didn't move.

"She wronged you. I hope they're rotting somewhere cold, being miserable with each other."

Tom smiled. "That's what Cal said."

"You don't think the same?"

"No. I hope that my heart was broken for something. If they're unhappy now, then what was the point?"

Ezra stared as if Tom's loving heart had only just come into the light. His hand lifted from Tom's shoulder, touching his cheek with his thumb too. Tom sat deathly still, holding his breath as Ezra's other fingers touched the side of his face, and he was leaning forwards while staring at his mouth, until he suddenly pulled away and turned away like he had done something wrong.

Tom grabbed his arm and pushed his knees into the side of his leg. "Don't be shy. It's okay Ezra."

Ezra shook his head. "This can't . . . we can't . . ." He paused, frustrated with himself. "It wouldn't work between us."

"Why not? I think it could." Tom pulled on his arm, but Ezra still wouldn't look at him.

"You've been through enough pain already."

"You wouldn't hurt me-"

"Stop forgetting that I'm a demon."

"Actually, that's all I think about." Ezra finally tilted his head towards him, so Tom continued. "I know this would be hard. People would judge it, but I don't care what people think."

Ezra frowned, and angrily turned around in his chair, slotting their legs together. His frown was deep, and his eyes suddenly dark. "A murderer," he said deeply. "That's what they call me."

Tom stared with wide blue eyes. "Is that why you're a soul stripper?" he whispered with a struggling heart, and Ezra nodded. "What happened?"

"It doesn't matter what happened, that's what I'm accused of, and this is who I am. You won't just be judged for being with a demon, you will be judged for being with a soul stripper demon who-" Ezra clenched his hands to fists, staring down to inhale a breath that sounded painful. "My life is one long miserable punishment. Someone with a soul as perfect as yours doesn't deserve to be poisoned by mine."

Tom tried to take his hand, but Ezra pushed his chair back, distancing himself. Tom had seen soul strippers over the years, and they all did their job is if that was what they deserved and saving humans from violent demons was paying for their evils. But Ezra was bitter, and sad, and mournful for all the demons who unjustly lost their lives. "You're innocent, aren't you?" He blurted and Ezra's frown wavered. "You said that you were accused of murder. You didn't do it, and that's why you're searching so hard to find the cause of all the violence towards other demons."

Ezra's bottom lip quivered. "That doesn't matter anymore," he said quietly as the anger within him turned into a dull, cold agony. "I'll be a soul stripper for the rest of my life, regardless of whether I'm innocent or not."

Tom stood up with a screech of wood against wood. Ezra dropped his head and closed his eyes, expecting Tom to walk away. He gasped when Tom leaned over him and hugged him tightly.

"Why do you always hug me when I tell you shitty things about myself?"

"Wanting to punch Gerry in the face is not a shitty thing," Tom said into his shoulder. "If you don't want to tell me about what happened, then I'll do my own research. I know you enough to know that you would be honest if you were guilty. But you're not, are you?" Ezra shook his head against his hair to say no. He stood up, and hugged Tom back, putting his arms where they once were, around his shoulders.

"It still wouldn't work between us."

"Why not?" Tom asked, blinking back his tears.

"Because you still deserve better than me."