i'll be there - chandler bing (on hold)

the one with phoebe's husband

third person pov

the aftermath of rachel catching a pigeon in a pan was the escalade into a group discussion surrounding phoebe's 'husband'. 

"this is unbelievable pheebs, how can you be married?" joey chokes, leaning back against the counter. the group gathered in the girls kitchen, gianna with her head in the fridge. 

"well, i mean, i'm not married married, ya know, he's just a friend and he's gay and he's just from canada and he needed a green card." phoebe tries to explain, standing from the table to lean into the fridge behind gianna. 

"i can't believe you married duncan. i mean how could you not tell me? we lived together, we told each other everything." monica coughs in disbelief, gesturing with her arms. 

"i'm sorry monica but i knew if i told you, you'd get really, like, judgemental and you would not approve." 

"of course i wouldn't approve." monica replies quickly, prompting gianna to send a glance to chandler. they both furrow their brows at each other, soft smiles tugging at their lips as they do. "i mean, you were totally in love with this guy who, hello, was gay. i mean, what the hell were you thinking?" 

"you see, and you thought she'd be judgemental." ross offers, holding his drink out as he does. 

"ok, i wasn't in love with him and i was just helping out a friend." 

"please, when he left town you stayed in your pyjamas for a month and i saw you eat a cheeseburger." monica exposes phoebe and the group gasps, gianna sharing a shocked glance with chandler, both looking away from each other before they started giggling like school girls. "well, didn't you?" 

"i might have." 

"i can't believe you didn't tell me." monica mutters, shaking her head. 

"oh, c'mon, like you told her everything." gianna laughs, standing up for phoebe. 

"what have i not told her?" monoca scoffs, folding her arms across her chest. 

"oh, i don't know." gianna thinks for a moment before pacing behind the sofa. "umm, how about the fact that the underwear out there on the telephone pole in yours from when you were having sex with fun bobby out on the terrace." gianna points, watching the group explode into shock as they rush to the terrace. 

"wait a minute, who told you?" monica glares, following gianna's gentle gaze as she bites her fingernails. "you are dead meat." monica continues, tone scathing as she looks at a sheepish chandler. 

"i didn't know it was a big secret." he teases, wiggling her finger. 

"oh it's not big, not at all, you know, kinda along the same lines as, say, oh i don't know, having a third nipple!" monica accuses, pointing up at chandler dramatically. gianna chokes on her juice, eyes widening at chandler. 

"you have a third nipple?" 

"you bitch." chandler seethes, staring down at monica. 

"oh my god, my boyfriend has a third nipple." gianna mutters, glancing around the group with a shocked expression. 

"whip it out, whip it out." ross chants. 

"c'mon there's nothing' to see, it's just a tiny bump, it's totally useless." chandler explains, stepping away from the group. 

"oh as, as opposed to your other multi-functional nipples?" rachel stammers, looking over to gianna who was trying to suppress a laugh. 

"i can't believe you. you told me it was a nubbin." joey shakes his head, watching chandler closely.