Can't You See Me?

Twenty two

-

School was finally over and I was waiting outside by my car for the girls. Soon I saw Haerin walking towards me with a small smile on her face. Lately she is always smiling. It makes me happy that she is happy.

"Hey where is Dani and Hanni?" Haerin just shrugs taking her AirPods out of her ear.

"I don't know, I just came out here assuming they would already be out here since I took so long after class." I just nodded and leaned against my car trying not to stare at the younger girl that much, which was kinda difficult because she looked so good today. She wore her hair down and I don't know. she just looked so happy and beautiful.

"Do you want to ride with me over there or?" Haerin's smiles turned down slightly but it still remained making me feel like a knife just went through my heart.

"Minji I think we shouldn't be alone for a while. Just until we are both able to move on." Does she think I'm gonna jump her like a rabid animal? Like hello? I have self control.

"Whatever you want, Haerin. I'm sure Hanni could take you."

"I actually already asked Dani to take me." Oh. Her and Danielle have been getting really close lately. There is nothing wrong with that, but everything still hurts too much for her to be pretending like we never happened or that what we had wasn't impactful enough for her to be upset about.

"Okay well cool I think I'm gonna stop by and get some food before heading over so I'm gonna go ahead and leave." Haerin smiles and puts her AirPods in.

"Okay see you there!" Until she referenced us being together earlier I swear she forgot we dated with the way she acts. Whatever Minji, just two years and she'll be yours again.

-

I got back from Hanni's house about an hour ago after watching that friend's show for literal hours. It wasn't bad, it was actually kinda good, but I was distracted by the fact that Danielle and Haerin were cuddling the entire time. She wouldn't even let me do that in public with other people around when we were dating so what makes Danielle any different? Hyein also ended up coming over after begging me saying that she was bored and had nothing to do so I gave in. She did talk so much throughout the show that it gave me a headache , causing us to leave early.

I looked at my clock and it was 12:30 so I quickly got cleaned up and into my pajamas and under my sheets snuggling into my covers. After closing my eyes I heard tapping on my window. What the hell? The tapping continued and then some louder banging. I get up to inspect it and when I open my blinds I nearly scream.

"HAERIN? I immediately unlock my window and pull the younger girl in. "How the hell did you get up here?" Haerin whipped off her sweatpants and jacket before looking up at me.

"I climbed."

"How the hell? How is that even possible there is nothing to climb and I'm on the second floor." Haerin gave me a cute little smile and immediately sat on my desk chair facing me.

"I just did. I'm a good climber." Oh yeah because that makes so much sense.

"So why did you climb up the side of my house and bang on my window when we have a front door?" The younger girl just shrugs, spinning in the chair.

"I didn't want to wake your parents and Hyein." I guess that makes sense?

"Okay well why are you here then? I thought you said we shouldn't be alone together for a while." Haerin immediately stops spinning in the chair and gets up and hugs me. This is the first guy we shared since our break up in the locker room.

"I miss you. I've been trying to keep you at arm's length not getting too close to you, but not getting rid of you completely. I want us to be normal friends." I hug the girl back tighter, almost too tight if I'm being honest, but she eventually pulls away.

"I don't know what to say."

"It's okay. I just couldn't wait until tomorrow to tell you. I needed to see you." I just nodded because what else am I supposed to say? Because truly I want her to let me love her romantically, but that is off the table for now so I have settle for this. And I'm more than willing to accept this because at least she is still in my life.

"How are you truly? Not some surface level shit. What's been going on at home these last couple weeks?" Haerin sits on my bed ushering me to sit next to her and she grabs one of my hands interlacing it with hers.

"Honestly my father is pushing for Niki and I to marry after high school instead of college. He said there is no point in waiting anymore." My eyes widened at this horrible news.

"Holy shit he is such a dick. What are you going to do?" I'm trying to stay as partial as I can. This is Haerin's life. She shouldn't make decisions based on me. We both made too many mistakes in the past and I'm done with that.

"Honestly I'm not too sure. I don't know how to get out of this Minji. At least when it was after college I would have a degree and all my school paid for so I could run away and get a job. Now I feel stuck. He's always going to win no matter what and it makes me so angry sometimes." I nod rubbing the younger girl's palm with my thumb as she went on. "Niki has been acting like he used to before you know he found out about us. He really loves me. I know he does, so really would it be that bad? Would it be that bad to be married to someone who loves you?"

"But do you love him?" I was preparing myself for the worst. I know she always said she never loved him, but people can change and so can feelings.

"No and I don't think I will ever love him at least in that way."

"Well then just do whatever is best for you, don't think about anyone else just you." Haerin thinks for a moment before leaning her head on my shoulder.

"And what If in the end I pick Niki...I marry Niki." I closed my eyes soaking in this precious moment even though it's mostly sad with the younger girl.

"Then I will support you in that if that's what you think is best. I'll always support you, Haerin till my last breath." Haerin lifts her head from my shoulder and looks at me and I mean she really looks at me like I never have been looked at before. It feels like she is looking into my soul.

"I should go. I might do something I'll regret if I stay here any longer." Haerin jumps up heading back over towards my window.

"Hey spider monkey, why don't you leave through the front door this time." The younger girl just laughs as a pink tint forms on her face. As I walk Haerin to the front door she grabs my hand and squeezes it.

"Thank you for being a great friend. I just wanted to let you know that you are still my favorite person on earth and I think you always will be." We finally made it to the door and she dropped my hand and walked out giving me a little wave as she jogged down the street. Did she run here? She lives like 10 minutes away by car. I giggled a little bit realizing this is the second time Haerin has run in the middle of the night to get to me.

After I got in bed ready to finally fall asleep I get a message from the spider monkey that just left.

I'll never choose Niki. Never. Just you.

I didn't respond because I didn't need to. We both know where we stand and now we just wait.