The Secrets She Kept

The Secrets She Kept - Chapter 6

My hands shook as I peeled back the lid and opened the box. Taking out the paper from the top, I passed it across to my sister, the paper trembling within my grasp.

"Did you know I always thought it was my fault that Mum and Dad split up? I couldn't even explain it. It was just this feeling. I never said it out loud. I knew you would have told me I was being stupid for even thinking it." I said softly. "Yet, here it is. Here is the proof. I ruined their marriage."

My sister stared down at the paper and I knew what she was seeing. A pro and con list scribbled on the back of a menu. Except, this was no ordinary list. It was no list about the merits of a school or changing jobs. This was a list which revealed the truth of my mum's infidelity.

My stomach churned.

It was the kind of thing I would do before a big decision. Make a list. Weigh up the consequences.

I just never imagined someone would ever write a list for this – let alone keep it – when its contents had the ability to destroy two families.

It listed everything - from whether she would get custody of Diane should she end the marriage, to whether the man she was sleeping with would stick around in the event of pregnancy.

"I don't know whether this makes me hate her more." Diane murmured. "A part of me always wondered whether she actually cared about me. That she wanted me. That she cared about Dad. She always acted like nothing could touch her."

Standing, I let out a long slow breath. "She wasn't like that. Not really."

"So I can see." Diane replied before carefully refolding the paper. "But I don't understand how this is proof that you did anything."

"Look at the date on the other side of the menu." I demanded, wrapping my arms around my waist as my sister looked at the back. "Summer Specials from the year before I was born. It doesn't take a genius to put two and two together. Mum's fears came true. She got pregnant with me and, when the truth came out, she lost everything. It's all because of me."

My voice cracked as the first tear seeped from the corner of my eye. I really thought I was over their breakup - clearly not.

Diane dropped the paper to the bed and quickly stood. "Don't be so bloody stupid. Excuse my French." She placed the solid weight of her hands on my shoulders. "You had nothing to do with the marriage breaking down. That was all Mum and Dad. And yes, I included Dad in that sentence. There's never just one reason for a marriage ending. If they had really wanted to make it work, they would have."

"Thank you for saying that. I'm just not sure that I believe you."

"I wish you could speak to Mum about this."

"But I can't."

"No, you can't. But that doesn't mean that you take all of this on yourself. You do not get to make yourself into the martyr on the rubbish pile of their marriage."

I snorted and shook my head.

"So what do I do? This piece of paper has just revealed that my whole life is a lie. Am I supposed to pretend I didn't see it?" I threw my arms up in frustration. "God, does Dad even know? That I might not be his?"

Diane sighed and stared down at the box. "I don't know and we're not going to find out. Keep the box. Don't keep the box. It's your decision but Dad doesn't need to know about this. About any of it. He raised you. He is your dad. Biology means nothing."

That's easy for you to say.

I pressed my lips together to stop any further words from escaping. One thing I had learned early in life was that there was no point arguing with Diane. It never changed her mind. She was stubborn to a fault.