American Boy ✔️

Chapter Thirty Eight

"Please talk to me, say something. I-I... I'm worried--"

"What do you want me to say, Alexander?"

Anong gusto mong sabihin ko? Gusto mo ba 'kong tumalon talon sa saya dahil mahal mo 'ko?

I can't do that when my heart is driving me crazy right now because what the actual fuck?

This can't be happening, this should not even happen!

If this is a dream please wake me up already!

"Just... something, please. You haven't spoken a word since earlier inside the store."

Ano naman kasi ang sasabihin ko? Na baliw siya?

In all honesty, hindi ko alam kung anong nararamdaman ko para kay Alexander dahil ang tagal na no'n, ang tagal na rin since the last time na tinanong ko ang sarili ko kung siya pa rin ba.

I liked other people and dated them, so I thought that it was just something that was not gonna happen anymore. I mean my feelings for him.

"I don't know, Alexander. I don't." sagot ko sabay bukas ng mga mata ko at kinagat ang babang labi ko sa inis.

Bakit kasi gano'n?

Bakit ngayon?

Sa likod ng utak ko iniisip ko kung bakit ngayon niya lang 'to inaamin samantalang alam niyang minahal ko siya sobra sobra noon!

Now I'm fucking confused.

I don't know what to do.

Humarap ako sa kanya at sinalubong ang mga mata niyang naghahanap ng sagot ko sa mga mata ko mismo.

Tiningnan ko lang siya at huminga ulet ng malalim, now he looks more nervous than ever.

"Because it doesn't make sense. This doesn't fucking make sense."

"I-I know... and... I am willing to expla--"

"Explain? No, fuck you for explaining again like you haven't explained to me why I'm too good for you back in highschool, ilang beses mo 'kong tinanggihan! T-Tapos ngayon sasabihin mo na lang na matagal mo na 'kong mahal?" I said, laughing in distress.

"Ano yun? Anong nangyari, Cardoza, ha? Bakit gano'n? Didn't you made out with another girl inside the bathroom? You showed it to my face that it was never gonna be and all--"

"I will explain, please--"

"No, shut it!" sabi ko at tinaas ko pa ang boses ko sa kanya.

Natahimik naman siya taas ng boses ko. Wala siyang karapatan na magsalita ngayon, not at the moment when I'm talking here.

Sabi niya say something, 'di ba? Then I am saying something!

"Just why?" I ask, weakly.

Ngayon na kaharap ko na siya, unti-unting bumalik yung mga pinagdaanan ko nung sinusubukan kong kalimutan siya pero iyak ako ng iyak sa loob ng kwarto ko o sa banyo sa tuwing magkasama kaming dalawa.

I already told myself that I am alright so why does it still hurt?

Why is it so painful?

"Why now?"

"I... I'm sorry."

"I just don't understand why. But I know you always have a reason why but tell me, huh? What is this time? Ano nanaman ang rason mo? Because I'm still too good for you? What is it this time?"