The Girl I Almost Met | Jeon Jungkook

The Price of Silence

Jungkook~
"You okay?" Taehyung asked as he plopped into the seat next to me. I didn't need him to sit and hold my hand through this heartache.

Tala had not reappeared for the ceremony, but Jisung still managed to talk me into staying for the rather lengthy reception. "Don't worry, she'll show up," he had said, "She wouldn't miss such a big event in her sister's life." But apparently he didn't know her as well as he thought he did because I had been sitting here for hours and she was nowhere to be found.

I nodded toward Taehyung now. I wasn't so much upset as I was merely ready to leave.

"Come on," Taehyung said, grabbing my hand and pulling me toward the congested dance floor. "There are a lot of other pretty girls here, you know? It's time to spread your wings. Get out there and meet other people. You're too standoffish."

I wasn't standoffish, I mentally objected to his assessment of my personality. I simply knew what I wanted, and I wasn't going to find it on a crowded dance floor. Regardless, I let him push me into the crowd of overheated bodies, writhing and thrumming to the pounding of the bass reverberating off the walls. Almost immediately, the song changed to a romantic, couples-only love song. Polite clapping accompanied the clearing out of most of the people as they headed back to their tables.

I stood awkwardly as twosomes pulled each other close, tucking dear ones into warm, loving arms, and swaying back and forth as if the rest of the world did not exist.

I shot a look at Taehyung to let him know his timing was terrible before I turned to go back to the table. However, before I had even taken two steps he had hooked the hand of a random nearby girl, far too young for me, and pushed her into my arms.

"Taehyung, no!" The loud objection popped out of my mouth before I thought about how bad it must have sounded to the unfortunate girl. She indignantly backed away from me.

Sighing inwardly, I took her hand and gently pulled her back into my embrace, swaying left and right in time with the music. Her movements were stiff though, and going by the bright red color that crept over her ears I had embarrassed her.

"I'm sorry," I mumbled. "It wasn't that I didn't want to dance with you. I was just caught off guard."

She shrugged off my apology, but could not hide the unshed tears glistening in her eyes.

I tried to put her at ease by making her laugh. "I'm Jungkook, otherwise known as the ruination of wedding bells and matrimonial love. I know that's why you're upset. You didn't want to dance with me. I get it. I wouldn't want to dance with me either after what I did earlier today."

The girl giggled under her breath and shyly looked up at me. "That's not why I was upset. No one else has asked me to dance all night. I personally thought what you did was great... and romantic. If only Tala had stayed to see it."

"You know about Tala?"

She nodded. "She's my cousin." Then she laughed outright, "If only she would have seen the worried look on Tasha's face when you and Jisung were talking in the anteroom. She would have thought it was worth every moment of misery Tasha has heaped on her."

Obviously, I did not know Tasha. Until earlier today, I hadn't even known of her existence. However, it was unfathomable to think that any bride deserved to have her wedding ruined as I had done.

"Jisung says Tala is sweet on you."

"He said that?" Not sure that I believed it, so I just shook my head in denial, even as the pitch of my voice rose in hope.

She grinned up at me. "He said you feel the same way about her. Is that true?"

The song ended, saving me from answering—or so I thought. As the music swelled again, my dance partner jumped for joy and clapped her hands. We automatically lined up next to each other to do the Electric Slide. A throng of people rushed to join in and once again the floor was packed.

I had to admit I was having fun. We stayed out there through two more songs before I gestured that I was going back to my table. It was time for me to leave. Obviously, Tala was not going to make an appearance after all. I had waited long enough for tonight. It looked like Tuesday morning at the bus stop would have to do. I looked around for Taehyung to let him know I was leaving, but as I turned I was startled by my dance partner's sudden re-appearance at my side.

"So is what Jisung said true? Do you like Tala? Cause if you do I could put a good word in for you."

She looked up at me, her big brown eyes begging to let her help her favorite cousin find love. I smiled indulgently down at her, regretful that I was about to dash her hopes.

"I don't really think that's how things should work, sweetie. If I do like Tala, don't you think she'd want to hear it from me?"

She shrugged her shoulders in that disinterested way teenagers do when they're anything but disinterested. "Yeah, but from what I hear you've been slacking in that department. I thought maybe you'd like a little help to get the ball rolling."

I'd been slacking? Of course I had. My friends had been telling me that for months. Not going to lie though, it stung coming from a child.

I didn't respond as I retrieved my jacket. I just wanted to get out of there, but her next words stopped me in my tracks. "You're going to blow it—if you haven't already."

I felt her hand on my shoulder, but didn't turn to look at her. That had always been my fear—that I would blow it. Every time I saw Tala, every time my gut told me to say something, my imagination ran rampant with all the ways it could go wrong. But it had never occurred to me that it would go sideways just by being cautious, by taking my time.

Surely I had not run out of time already. I decided then and there to speak to Tala the next time I saw her. Never before had my heart had so many things to say. Never before had my fears demanded such prolonged silence. I had a couple days to practice what to say—Taehyung and Jimin would coach me. They wouldn't let me make a fool of myself.

Unfortunately, it was not to be. Even though I finally had the perfect words. Even though I had practiced those words until I could say them faultlessly in my sleep. I waited—and waited—for days, but Tala never again showed up at the bus stop.

Everywhere I went I searched for her in each face that passed by; listened for her soft laughter in the cacophony of sounds around me. But I never found her; she became the ghost that haunted the empty chambers of my heart. 

~~~

Months later, I randomly ran into Jisung out on the street. He told me Tala had disappeared. She had packed her bags and was gone before the family returned home from the wedding. She'd left a letter for her mother and father, but they were respecting her wishes to keep her whereabouts private. It was time for her to find her own destiny and learn to shine. She'd walked in Tasha's shadow long enough.

I wished her well; I truly did.

Tala and I had not had a grand love affair, which I could look fondly back on in my memories. We had not even progressed to the point of going on our first date. I had missed what could have been the greatest opportunity of my life.

No, that's not right.

I had not missed it, I had thrown away my opportunity.

Out of fear.

One day, Namjoon said, "If you never go after what you want, you'll never have it. That's a famous saying for a reason, Jungkook."

I nodded and stole some of his fries. He was right. It was a lesson I was working on learning.

"True," said Jimin between bites, his mouth still full, "but they also say that if it's meant to be, it will be. You just have to wait for the stars to align in your favor."

I preferred the way Jimin thought, but in reality I believed the way it worked was probably dead center in the middle of both statements.

I had been a fool to think love would fall into my lap with no input from me. Someday, I would find the one I was meant to be with. When I did, I would not leave the outcome to fate. Some games of chance were not worth playing. The price of losing was too high.

I would never again carry the heartbreaking weight of words not uttered.