The Whispers of Shadows - Azriel

28

Rhysand left the room, but Madja and Azriel stayed. He took the seat that Rhysand left, and Aurora didn't know what to do. She had already thanked them for saving her, but nothing came to mind when she looked at Azriel.

"Can I ask Rhysand to show me what he saw in your memory?" He asked quietly. Aurora swallowed, shifting her eyes to the doors to the bathing chamber.

"I don't think you'd want to see," she responded quietly. Azriel reached for her hand that laid on the blanket, but she pulled her hand away at the touch.

"Why won't you accept me, Aurora? We've had sex, I've showed you that I care," he whispered, Madja's ears perking and she quickly left the room.

"Having sex does not mean I need to accept the bond, Azriel. I'm not letting a male have power over my life, I will not accept a bond that means I will be forever linked to a male," Aurora responded, her voice breaking. Azriel studied her face, the fading bruises and cuts.

"I won't have power over you, we'd be equals. I don't know if I can continue things with you if I'm pining after you accepting the bond. You can use me and my body for your own healing, I want you to, but I can't hear you say you love me if you refuse the bond." Aurora turned her eyes to him.

"A mating bond means that the female is meant to bear your children. It means that we serve you, it does not entail a loving relationship. My mother was bonded to my father, well, Oberon and murdered her. She didn't love him, and she suffered for that. What if I accept this bond and you just want my children? I don't know if I will- can fall in love, Azriel. Please, continue your relationship with Elain or Gwyn. They'd appreciate it more than just sex," Aurora begged him. She didn't want to accept the bond and have Azriel decide she isn't what he wants. He has a connection with the other females, something he doesn't have with her.

"I've slept with Elain once and was beat for it. I haven't touched Gwyn since you first asked me to touch you, Aurora. She's come to my room but I've ignored her," Azriel responded slowly, eyeing her reaction. Aurora gave him no indication to her feelings, just settled into the pillows more.

"Gwyn has feelings for you, do not break them. I won't accept the bond, Azriel."

"Why do you seem like you hate me now? You threw my sword at me in the Hewn City, you didn't say anything when I showed up in the Spring Court, and now you don't even want anything with me? What's going on, Aurora?" His voice rose, and Aurora felt the shadows that grew.

"Fuck, Azriel. I'm embarrassed. I'm embarrassed that I needed to be saved by males again, that I couldn't save myself or even die with dignity. I'm pissed that my past was reawakened by that fucking prick, and that once again, my body was taken by someone without my consent. I'm tired of males, I'm tired of relying on them or being terrified of them. I'm pissed that Lucien, of all people, told me about our bond that I didn't even feel. I don't want to accept this bond because I don't want my life controlled by a male's choices. I don't want this," Aurora snapped. It was all true. She didn't want to be under a High Lord's rule, she didn't want to love a male, she didn't even want another male to touch her body, pleasure or not.

"If that's what you choose, then fine. I won't come back to offer you myself anymore, emotionally or physically. I'll go find Gwyn," Azriel spat, shoving out of the chair and disappearing into a plume of shadow. Aurora pulled the blanket over herself further, feeling the ache that came with his absence. As much of a desire or wish of romance she had for Azriel, she just couldn't stomach the idea of a male having any control in her life. Not anymore.

It took another day of rest before Aurora was able to walk. Feyre had come into her room and offered a pair of loose shorts and a sweater to wear, which was very shocking to Aurora. She had thought it was only Night Court attire or gowns, but Feyre must have another collection of lounge clothes.