Why is Love White?

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It was September. The leaves were turning golden yellow. Although Bushra loved this color, she hated autumn. To her, it represented the absence of happiness, just like her own life.

As she was admiring outside the window, the teacher called her name. She corrected their test papers in just three days and now she was returning to them. Bushra left her seat with a neutral mind. She had nothing to worry about as she was good at maths. Besides, the test wasn't that difficult. Eugenio got 8 out of 10. As long as she got more than that she was okay. For an unknown reason, they had been silent competitors since the beginning. Or rather, Eugenio admired Bushra for being a good student and always wanted to get a mark similar to hers. Although at first Bushra did not take this behavior seriously after that night two years ago she started becoming much more competitive. She was partially satisfied that there was something at which she could win and fight against him without mercy, otherwise emotionally speaking she was still vulnerable.

The teacher smiled at her saying "Bushra dear. You always do good but you got 7. Don't worry, since it's just the start of the school year it's normal. You will do better in the next test. Look here, the mistake you made was just in calculating..."

As she goes on Bushra loses her concentration. She made some silly mistakes. But, how? She was beyond surprised. Why did she get less than Eugenio? Even he wished her good luck before the test...

Suddenly some flashes from the past came to her mind. In the first two years of school, when Eugenio and Bushra would be together on a school project, they would get an average mark. At that time, Bushra did not take that seriously. In other events such as when Bushra would wish him good luck or vice versa, just like this test paper for which Eugenio tried to calm her down, they always achieved less than their capacity. Even in the games during the PE period: if they were in the same group, undoubtedly, they would always lose despite Eugenio being excellent at sports. Bushra always noticed these small to smallest cases but never thought deeply about them.

'The two of us can never be together, Eugenio. We both are bad luck for each other.' Bushra mentally said to Eugenio while going back to her seat. She did not look at him but she was damn sure that although he was chatting with Gioia, his full attention was on Bushra.

'Will he now find an excuse to talk to me? Perhaps to cheer me up... Astagfirullah! I don't need anyone's words! I have Allah with me. He is enough! As long as I pass the Real test on the judgemental day I am happy.' Bushra mentally defeated her evil wishes.

After school finished, Bushra went to the bus station with Mili. She lives nearby the school. So after bidding her goodbye, Bushra stayed there, doing dhikr while waiting for the bus. As usual, unintentionally, her gaze fell on the opposite side of the road. Eugenio was there. With his group of friends. Talking and laughing and glancing at Bushra occasionally.'Why does he always look like a hero?' After realizing what she just said her cheeks became hot and red out of shame. How can she look at some random non-mahram non-muslim man? She is disobeying Allah. 'Astagfirullah. Astaghfirullah...' she started repeating while moving slightly to the right from the first place. From here Eugenio cannot be noticed. —-----------------Bushra came home around 14:00. Usually at this time both of her parents are at work. But today she was surprised to see her mom in the kitchen."You did not go to work today, ammu?" she asked as soon as she entered. 

She is not used to giving salaams to her parents, it seemed a little odd to her. She still needed a lot of courage to do so. Only those who suffer from anxiety know how difficult it is to defeat their insecurities and express themselves. Mili once told her that she and Stefano discussed this topic. To her surprise, he could not imagine that saying out loud one's opinions or thoughts was that difficult. He said, "if you do not like one thing you say 'no', and if you share the same mentality then you say 'yes, I agree... as simple as that. Why must you complicate your life? Communicate and that's it. If someone does not agree with you then he will say that politely. The world never expressed the same opinion. Otherwise, there wouldn't have been so many problems or fights, especially in politics. So, why are you so afraid?"