Hating You to Love Me

26. Ashley

His eyes glowered deep in my soul. He knew why I did it. "Get here Ashley, right now." He stated. His jaw clenched. "RIGHT NOW!" He repeated.
I felt weird fear building inside me. He couldn't be mad at me for it. I was the one who was supposed to be mad at him.

"I don't want to sleep with you tonight." I crossed my arms over my chest. And that is when I heard a painful groan from him. "I am tired of this shit Peach. Come here, please."

"What do you want Alex?" I said as I lurched forward on the bed, standing on it. I stood taller than him, looking down at his face. He turned towards me as he pulled me close with his arm around my waist. I stood my ground, keeping a composed expression.

He put his other hand under my knees as he easily swept me off my feet. "If this is about what happened in the morning, you're just being a coward and not taking the challenge." My gasp turned into a yelp with huge surprise. I smacked his arm but it was useless.

He walked me out of the room. "What challenge? And let me down!"
And we were in his room already. He put me down on the bed as he pinned me in an instant. He was on top of me. "Take the fucking challenge Peach, make me say it. Make me kiss you. What you're doing is what losers do. They fear losing, so they play safe. Are you a loser peach?"

He did it. He was right once again, he provoked me again. He did it on purpose I knew but it worked. I wasn't a loser. "I am not a fucking loser Alexander." I gritted my teeth. His face was just an inch away from mine. His body hovering over mine. Our breaths mingling like our lips should have.

"Prove it." He said. "I will be waiting." He pulled me towards himself making my back press against his chest. "And you're not sleeping anywhere but with me from now on. That's decided." He muttered under my breath as he pressed his lips under my ear. I closed my eyes off the pure torture of his kisses.

"Why are we doing this?" I hissed.

"What?" He did it again. "Pretending that this is normal?" He said exactly what I needed to say.
"Yes." That was a particularly snaky yes, that extra sizzle at the end was embarrassing but I couldn't help it.

"Because that's all we have for now peach. We are playing it safe, still burning from the past, and this is just the heat of flames that have already burned us long ago." I felt it in me, the essence of his words. We both knew exactly the meaning of what he had meant. He was right, of-course he was.

Silent engulfed the thick smoke of the fire. My heart raced in my chest as I went silent not knowing what to say. His hands touched mine as he placed his head on my shoulder. "I missed this." He whispered.
So many ways to say 'I Love You' but not it.

"What?" I whispered back.

"Loving you." He said. And my heart stopped. My eyes stung. My breath hitched. I froze. I wanted to turn around but he didn't let me. He held me tight. A silent tear rolled down my eye.
So many ways to say 'I Love You' but not it.

I was consuming the moment. I was rewriting it in my head again and again. What he'd just said. I missed loving you. He'd finally said it. I felt complete after so long. I felt exactly what I had been wanting to feel for the last past years. It was worth every single tear I have shed for him, us.
I wanted to cry, but it wasn't worth ruining the moment.

A few minutes passed and I just was there feeling his warmth consume me. I remembered what I felt when I lost it and I finally had it. I can't let anything win this over. I can't let anything take it away from me again, even myself, even Alex. I'd even fight us if I had to protect this warmth.

I turned around and faced him. His face rested there with his eyes closed. He was falling asleep probably. My hands reached for his hair as I pushed them away from his eyes. I scanned his face from up close, not afraid anymore. Not afraid, that he was going to push me away, not afraid that he was going to not be himself. I had heard it in his voice, he had made a decision.

I felt tears welling in my eyes again as I saw his face up close. He was beautiful. His bushy eyebrows, those thick lashes, under them hidden his brown eyes that were deeper than anyone else's. His bridged nose and those lips. His chiseled Jawline. Nothing new for a writer, I wrote books but I felt it for the first time. I finally knew it, what it felt like to feel the beauty of love.

He opened his eyes slowly and our eyes met. I stared at him, not ashamed. The way he looked at me was normal but I wanted to tell him how much I was in fucking love with him. In that moment, in every moment I had lived after I had met him. "You're fucking beautiful Alexander. You're fucking beautiful." I said, finally.

My thumb rubbed the mole under his eye. "I can't believe you're this beautiful and I have you. You... you are for me Alex and I... I can't believe this. I.. You.. are so pretty... you're the most beautiful thing I could have. In moments like this when you're yourself, I fall for you over and over again. And I fear this, this unconditional hope I feel for us."
I was doing it so. So many ways to say 'I love you' but not it.

He smiled. I saw his glimmering eyes. "Thankyou Peach. I..." he paused as he pressed our foreheads together. "Thankyou." He repeated under his breath for a couple more times before he pulled away. His thumb wiped the tears off my cheeks.

"Why are you crying?" He smiled again. He was happy, I could see it and It made me tear up even more.

"Because I fucking can't get over your beauty. Your smile.. Oh I love it." I sighed. Honesty wasn't any sweeter than that.
I felt a laugh rising in his chest. "I don't want to say this but.."

"But?" I looked at him anticipating something sweet.

"Awwww." There is was. The most absurd thing coming from the sexiest man.

I raised my brows as I started laughing. "What the hell Alex! What the fuck was that?" I laughed and he did too.

"You're actually depreciating your sexiness by doing that, don't ever do that again." I rolled my eyes and he nodded his head before he pressed it into mine.
"Never committing the same sin again." He whispered under his breath.