Hating You to Love Me

12. Alex

I wondered what it could be? The reason my heart felt heavier than usual. I couldn't stop thinking about last night. What I said, what I did. I didn't know the whys and it bothered me. I was a little tipsy but the rumbling feeling of the warmth was lingering inside me.

It felt good but for the worse. I didn't want it to feel that way. I wanted a break from the coldness inside me and yesterday was the best break I had. Grandma didn't reply to any of my calls or texts. Later I got a selfie of her with her brothers. I knew she'd be back later in the day. I started searching for old tapes she had of our family from the 90's. I really wanted to feel the nostalgia.

I walked to the small slide in door, giving it a little push. It revealed another hallway, I sighed as I walked in. I had nothing better to do anyways. Seeing Ashley would be worse. I noticed that she was upset but I cared less. It would be another argument if I saw her.

I found another door and I pushed it open, it led to this dark room and then the automatic system, lit the whole room. It was a glass room, lit with blue and cool lights. A big screen was there, and a fluff cushion. You guessed it, an inbuilt home theatre. On the side was a projector and and a rack filled with grandma's favourite movies and family albums. I searched through the negatives first, it would be amusing to see all those pictures.

I sighed as I looked through it. Some labelled with strange names and I read them all aloud. "Rachel's, Daniel's, David's, Emily's, Elena's, Alex's and Alex's and Ashley's.." I paused as my voice faded. My heart skipped a beat. How was it possible? Did grandma remember Ashley? Of course she does. How could I? I was a fucking fool to not remember.

My eyes teared before I even pulled the tray out. I knew what was in there but I was surprised to see when I actually pulled the tray out. A few mini albums and some tapes. The old snaps. The small card Ashley gave me on my bday. My lips curled. Memories started hitting me like a road truck. I was hit hard that I fell. My heart sank as I felt heaviness seeping in me.

I walked to the projector as I set the negatives. I pushed display as I saw the first photo. A picture of Ashley and me the first time we were stuck together. Her dressed in an oversized GAP sweat and her jeans with her tied canvas shoe. I was beside her, standing in my black t-shirt and an oversized Blue Jean. We seemed so youthful and still there wasn't a smile on our faces. I remembered the whole night we spent after series of arguments if the movie was good or bad or shit.  A smile formed on my face.

I watched Ashley who had crossed her arms over her chest looking out of the car window. "We will get a big pizza and some beer." I told her. "You are not going home the whole night. I made that promise to Elena. I have to give her pictures as proof, she lend me her camera for fuck's sake."

I noticed how she sighed, sinking into the seat slowly. "Okay." She turned her head finally and gave me a low-spirited smile. "She must have told you everything, didn't she?" Her eyes dimmed and it was bothersome somehow. I didn't like her from the beginning since she was a big troublemaker but I appreciated her and my sister's bond.

"Not everything, just the part where Your parents are too involved in your life and you hardly get time to have fun by yourself when they leave for business trips. You wanted to be wild tonight and I am just the right company." I shrugged and she giggled.

"That's mostly everything but put in a better way. Okay then. I'll allow myself to let you in for one night. But, I didn't want to be wild, I wanted to have fun. And you are boring." She responded with a slight shrug.

"I am not boring, Peach. And I will make sure you believe it tonight." I hated when someone underestimated me and she had the guts to say it to my face. That bitch. I pulled the gear and stepped on the gas. She gasped as I sped the car in mere seconds and I loved her reaction.