still into you.

a second chance.

I stilled, regret seeping within me as I sent that letter. Was it right to have been so bold? Was it right to give plane tickets so unexpectedly — so forwardly, when I myself had not written to her in months? Was it inhumane to invite her to my sister's wedding through a mere letter? I didn't know the answers to those questions. Because even I, Nishimura Riki, could not solve the web of problems entangled altogether.

I dropped the parcel off in the post office — alongside my last letter, I dropped off a few Japanese snacks she used to love when she lived back here, as well as my sister's wedding invitation and request to be a bridesmaid.

Sometimes I wonder what kind of force of invisibility enables me to have a skull so thick; who could I have gotten my embarrassing shamelessness from, I wonder?

I also wonder if Juumi is just as naive to try and give me a second chance. It was stupid of me to keep persisting in the first place — I knew she wouldn't. I wouldn't give myself a second chance either. After all, if she stayed with me any longer, I could've ruined her career at an exponential rate. She wouldn't bear the success she had now if she chose love.

And, honestly, I'm glad she chose her career over me. Because, if I'm being honest, it was my fault. Truly, I'm glad I got to realize that.

But something in me craves more. Not from her as a partner necessarily; even just as a friend would make me smile, even if we never went back to who we were before. Because aside from being the girl who held my heart, Juu was my best friend. We grew up together — any mere thought of her manages to solicit some form of nostalgia in me, anyway.

Even if things don't go back to the way they were, I just hope she sees I've changed, even if we were to remain strangers. Even without a second chance, as long as I see her happy at home, I too will learn to smile eventually.