Consistent, Inconsistent Mind

- creature of discomfort -

CW & TW: mentions an abstract description of self-loathing/self-hatred, if this could be potentially triggering for people who are in a difficult place mentally and emotionally.

If you are a facing the blackholes of the universe, just know, you are not alone in your journey. You are so incredibly loved and you should never have to apologise for existing. It's something I'm still learning, and I don't wish to downgrade how difficult it can be, and it does takes time. Take the time YOU need. I believe in you, equally to many others.

- creature of discomfort -

Many find comfort in their beds,

like a friend, something one finds equally as devastating to part with

as one is excited to reconnect with.

A bed is the most exquisite rose,

as beautiful as a nuanced sunset,

as dangerous as a black hole.

When the mind loathes itself,

the bed feels like the one and only place in the world that feels safe.

Warmth, compression, free from mosquitoes.

you don't have to be forced to be in the company of the me.

Getting out of bed is a triathlon without being able to cycle or swim.

Closing and locking the front door and facing the world,

is running a marathon with broken legs.

to hobnob¹ in the presence of peers and fellows,

can feel equivalent to a staring contest with a bear in the forest.

the person who I share everything with.

the person who I am constantly around,

the person who I am constantly trying to ignore and part from.

the person who I wish I could leave at home on purpose,

the person who makes life extremely difficult for theirself.

The person who initiates venin² for miles around,

by the single touch of the epidermis³.

the person whom the world is benigner without.

Self-compassion and hope I wish I knew about.

¹ hobnob = "to associate on very friendly terms..."

"Hobnob." Dictionary.com, Dictionary.com, https://www.dictionary.com/browse/hobnob.

² venin = "any of several poisonous substances occurring in snake."

"Venin Definition & Meaning." Dictionary.com, Dictionary.com, https://www.dictionary.com/browse/venin.

³ epidermis = "The outer layer of the two main layers of the skin."

- "Epidermis." National Cancer Institute, National Cancer Institute at the National Institutes of Health, https://www.cancer.gov/publications/dictionaries/cancer-terms/def/epidermis.

Thank you so much for taking the time to read :) It truly means a lot to me :)

I would love to hear your thoughts, feelings and feedback :)