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Chapter 51 - Keefe

A few days later a Black Swan meeting was called at Havenfield.

Just to talk about Keefe. And boy, was he dreading it.

Supposedly, they needed to discuss his new ability and whether or not he should keep it, and for some reason, that merited an entire meeting with everyone there. Keefe always forgot how many people were actually in the Black Swan, how many he actually knew. The entire Collective, him, Sophie, Dex, Biana, Fitz, Tam, Linh, Marella, Maruca, Stina, everyone's bodyguards...

"Why do we need so many of us?" Keefe asked so only Sophie could hear him. Everyone was sort of talking amongst themselves. He and Sophie were off to the side near the kitchen. He'd gotten here early again to have some time with Sophie, and Keefe had a feeling Grady was starting to suspect something by the way he kept glaring at him.

Sophie shrugged. "We probably don't."

"And this is all... about me?" Keefe swallowed.

"Yep."

"Great."

Sophie laughed a little. "It won't be that bad."

"Okay... but, I don't think everyone likes me that much anymore. And before you say that's not true—" he said when Sophie started to interrupt. "Maybe I'm exaggerating a little, but it just feels awkward to be here, talking to people, trying to make jokes, when everyone knows I was gone. I just feel like I don't belong in this room. Like I shouldn't be here because no one wants me here. I can't really explain it... but you know what I mean?'

She nodded slowly. "I think so."

"I... I just..." Keefe sighed, dropping his gaze down to Sophie's. "I only really feel comfortable being around you right now. I feel like everyone's expecting me to crack jokes and act like I was before, but I... I don't even know if I can do that."

Keefe felt like he'd changed. Almost like he'd gone to war and come back as a different person. He felt awkward being around all his friends again, even though everyone was telling him he shouldn't because he was forgiven. So much had happened to him when he was in the Lost Cities: New York, London... That quick-witted, prankster part of him was still somewhere inside him, but all that he'd gone through had piled on top of it. He just had to get used to being back, slowly letting the layers of trauma melt away before he could return to being himself.

But now Keefe was doubting what being himself really meant. Was he actually funny, or was he only funny to distract himself from the other things? Did people really like him, or did they just feel sorry for him?

"Hey," Sophie said, squeezing his hand. "Penny for your thoughts? You disappeared."

"Sorry." Keefe couldn't say all that he'd been thinking to her. That would only make Sophie worry more than she already did. Besides, as long as he was here with her, she always made him feel better.

Keefe scanned the room; they were all just waiting for Mr. Forkle to arrive. Other than that, the rest of the Collective was here. He spotted Fitz talking to Dex and Biana, although it seemed like he was mostly just watching Dex and Biana talking to each other. Sophie followed his gaze, frowning a little.

"Have you talked to Fitz much?"

Keefe hesitated, looking back to Sophie. "Umm..." He'd spoken to Fitz a few times since he'd returned, but not much. When he'd first gotten back, Fitz had obviously been pretty angry, but surprisingly less angry than Sophie. They'd sort of made up though, Keefe just figured Fitz was relieved to see him, and Keefe had been happy to see Fitz again too. Even though the main reason he'd come back was for Sophie.