Side Effects

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A/N: all drug names are made up; I used an online generator.

Plot: New medication brings new side effects that aren't just in the mind.

Warnings: Body horror. Mental Health; borderline personality disorder, dissociative identity disorder, hallucinations, self harm, overdose.

Anyone with any  mental health issues and is medicated for them knows the fun of reading  up on side effects; it's even more fun when those side effects reflect  symptoms of your mental health struggles

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Anyone with any mental health issues and is medicated for them knows the fun of reading up on side effects; it's even more fun when those side effects reflect symptoms of your mental health struggles.

I myself deal with a fun plethora of mental issues however the ones that I'm medicated for are borderline personality disorder and dissociative identity disorder. I could go really in depth about what these are and what they do but for the most part I deal with the blending of reality and make-believe... I struggled for years to make sure I knew what was real and what was fake.

Things like seeing a chicken that quacks like a duck are obvious and pretty harmless and amongst my close friends we get a good laugh from these benign happenings that my brain produces. Equally I'm very lucky that for the most part the things I see and hear really are benign and I have a great group of friends who help me through the.... harder hallucinations.

When these less innocent hallucinations became more frequent and more real to me than reality I went to my PCP who told me to contact my Psych doctor; it seems they had both been scared of this happening and so began my year long trudge through finding the 'right' medication. I say this because I'm not medicated now and I'm a step away from being sectioned for my own well being; even my friends agree that it's best for me.

But I know the truth now.

It started with Neuropex in November 2019 which came with the usual side effects that legally covers everyone's ass and then at the end "...in extremely rare cases this pharmaceutical may cause auditory and visual hallucinations." This was a new side effect for me because generally that's what we want to stop.

The first couple of days looked good and while I had some dizzy spells it was nothing I couldn't deal with but by day three it wasn't chickens and ducks I was seeing. For fleeting moments I was seeing people looking at me; always looking at me.

I spoke to my psych doctor - Ida Holl - who decided the best thing to do was up the dose. I was wary after reading online reviews but she assured me that I could up the dose another two times before we had to think of something else. So after ten days I upped the dose and crossed my fingers. My appetite changed drastically but by what my PCP was saying I could do with losing "a few pounds" anyway; so my diet of soup, noodles and occasionally toast was fine by me.

The hallucinations were immediate upon upping the medication but instead of fleeting glances and then disappearing they'd stay in my vision for seconds at a time and after a couple more days minutes. Not only could I see them but a weird hissing, buzzing sound accompanied their appearance - soon I knew they were there without seeing them.

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