Light Up The Sky

Chapter 37

"I'm so happy to see you guys going strong." She clapped in childlike wonder. "Look at you, you're still together!"

I was about to correct her that we were not together but Liam started to tease her.

"Your rejection is a redirection." He laughed.

"Excuse me! I didn't reject you! You were already in love with Vivienne at that time! You were just clueless!" Francine rolled her eyes so Liam laughed again.

"I still am... in love with her."

"Oo na. Tama ka na, Acosta."

Nagpatuloy sila sa pagkukumustahan pero ako nanatili lang na tahimik. Paminsan-minsan, sasali ako sa conversation nila. Especially kapag kailangan kong magsalita since kinakausap nila ako and I don't want to be rude. But for the whole time, I was just spacing out, thinking about what Liam just said earlier.

We are not together... again. Iyon ang malinaw... sa akin. Noong gabi sa harap ng dagat, hindi naman namin napag-usapan ang tungkol sa aming dalawa. Naiklaro lang namin sa isa't isa kung bakit nawalan kami ng komunikasyon. Naiklaro niya lang sa akin kung bakit bigla siyang hindi nagparamdam.

And it just made me realize how immature I was to think that he ghosted me and dumped me just because he didn't reach out to me. Ako 'yung may gusto no'ng nangyari, ako 'yung nag-desisyong lumayo, pero ako rin 'yung hindi umintindi na oo nga, I needed healing, kaya nga ako umalis in the first place. Tapos no'ng umalis ako, gusto ko siyang makasama? Gusto kong marinig ang boses niya? E 'di sana hindi na ako umalis hindi ba?

But Liam said that he also understands me, like he always does. Naiintindihan niya kung bakit ganoon na lang ang pangungulila ko sa kaniya. Because even him, he was homesick. Hindi siya sanay na wala ako katulad ko na hindi sanay na wala ang presensya niya.

To be honest, immature na kung immature, but I never regretted feeling that way. Oo, nagalit ako sa kaniya kasi akala ko iniwan niya ako sa ere. Oo, nalungkot ako kasi akala ko napagod na siya sa akin. Oo, sobra akong nasaktan kasi akala ko ganoon ako kadaling sukuan. But those emotions, they were the ones that healed me most.

Simula nang ni-validate ko ang feelings ko, pakiramdam ko mas unti-unti kong nakikilala 'yung sarili ko. Kasi dati, I was just supressing what I feel because I am scared that people around me might say something about it. Kasi baka sabihin nila nag-iinarte lang ako or overreacting lang ako. At akala ko kasi hindi pwedeng magalit, mainis, malungkot, masaktan. Pero na-realize ko kalaunan na okay lang naman palang maramdaman 'yung emotions na 'yon.

But I stopped invalidating my feelings. Kapag nagagalit ako, hinahayaan ko 'yung sarili kong magalit. Ganoon din kapag nalulungkot ako o nasasaktan. I will just cry and feel all the emotions I have to feel. Doon ko rin natutuhan i-communicate ang totoong nararamdaman ko sa mga tao sa paligid ko. That's when I also started to be kinder to myself.

"Sa susunod na makikita ko kayong dalawa, it's either you're engaged or married or may little Liam and Vivienne na," Francine said, snapping me out of thoughts.

Nailing si Liam kaya tumawa si Francine. When she looked at me, I just smiled at her. She smiled back and nodded.

"O siya, I have to go. Nand'yan na ang sundo ko." She pointed her thumb on her back that's why we saw a black trailblazer. "Bye, guys, see you around!"

"Take care," I said as I waved.

She nodded and waved back before hopping in the car. Pinanood pa namin ni Liam na umalis 'yung kotse bago kami naglakad patungo sa white Montero niya.

Before I hop in, he placed his hand on top of my head so that I wouldn't bump my head on the car door. I smiled because of that as I watched him walk around his car to go to the driver's seat. I also fixed my seatbelt and made myself comfortable.