I Wonder

Chapter 1 - everyday life

"Sleep well", Agnetha kissed Linda on the forehead. 

"You too, Mama." 

Agnetha smiled: "Goodnight sweetheart" 

She closed the door of her daughters room. Standing alone in the hallway of the second floor of her house, she took a deep breath. Another day was done. 

Day, by day was the way she managed her life right now. She had no idea what the future was going to look like. Sometimes she felt that she was running out of strength. Her mind and body were exhausted. 

She went downstairs and decided to watch TV for a while so she wouldn't lay alone in bed and overthink too much. It was soon enough when she started questioning her whole life in two hours. 

Since she left Björn three weeks ago she had barely slept. Every night she was lying awake in her bed and regretted leaving Björn. Sometimes she even regretted marrying him. Her children were her biggest support that time. They were doing nothing special to be honest they were tiring but they kept her from thinking about Björn. Well, sometimes they asked about him but who could blame them for that. In the end they were two children who just wanted to see her father. Apart from that they were keeping her up. She was fighting against her own demons for them. The everyday life was bringing a bit normality back. 

The result of it was that she loved her children very much and was happy to have them with her.  

"Mama, can I sleep with you?", Agnetha looked up and saw her nearly six year old daughter standing in her pajamas in the door to the living room. 

"Why sweetheart?" 

"There are monsters under my bed. They want to eat me. I'm scared.", Linda was pressing "Anni" her teddybear against herself. 

Seeing Linda with that teddybear made Agnetha smile. She had always liked it very much. It was gifted to her by Frida for her first birthday. For this reason she had called the teddybear Anni. She was absolutely infatuated with the teddy. 

"Alright, but only this time. Tomorrow I will help you fight against them. Go ahead to my bedroom. I will follow you in a few minutes." 

After she cleaned the living room a bit up she went upstairs to her bedroom just to find her daughter fast asleep curled up in her bed. 

Carefully not to wake her daughter she entered her ensuite bathroom to brush her teeth and wash her face. 

15 minutes later Agnetha left the bathroom and cuddled herself next to Linda into her bed. Feeling her mother joining her made Linda snuggle into her mothers arms. 

After a while woke Agnetha by the sound of a phone ringing up. 

Agnetha looked to the alarm clock on the bedside table, it was shortly after three o'clock in the morning.  

Bewildered to know who was calling her at this early hour of the morning went Agnetha downstairs without thinking about Linda next to her. 

Arrived downstairs answered she the phone: "Hello?" 

"Agnetha? It's Benny.", said Benny on the other side of the line with a devoted voice. 

"What's wrong, Benny?", asked Agnetha alarmed by the tone of his voice. 

"It's Björn.", was everything Benny said. 

"What happened to him?", she asked worried. 

"He-He died in a car crash." 

Hearing those words made Agnetha shiver. How could this happen? She felt her world falling apart, all of a sudden. 

"Agnetha, are you..." 

"Where is he? I want to see him!", She cut him of in the middle of his sentence. 

"Listen, I don't think it's a good idea to see him. Lena will also be there and she wouldn't be happy." 

"I don't care about that woman.", she said with a hateful and broken voice at the same time. "Neither you nor her can stop me from seeing him. Legally he is still my husband." 

"Agnetha, you divorced three years ago. He is married to Lena and they have a daughter.", Benny tried to explain. "He asked you to remarry him two years ago, but you refused." 

"What - but - we separated three weeks ago.", Agnetha tried to explain her confusion. 

"It's been over four years since you left him. Can't you remember?" 

"No, he...", she couldn't continue speaking because she started crying. 

Suddenly the world around her begun to spin faster and faster and she felt how she fell on the floor. 

"Agnetha, are you alright?", she could hear Benny's voice from far away. 

She wanted to say something but no words were coming out of her completely dry mouth.  

She tried to stand up but couldn't held herself up. 

Agnetha heard Benny saying something over the telephone but she couldn't understand what he was saying. 

Then, everything around her went pitch black.