Borderlines

Chapter 2~Can of Worms

I wake up to the strange sweet smell of Depression lighting a blunt between her lips with a lighter. "Wakey wakey," she says and leans towards me as gray smoke escapes from her red-painted lips.

I groan at the sight of her, waving my hand to waft away the smoke.

"I thought I got rid of you," I croak out.

"You can't get rid of me that easily," she says and puffs on the blunt.

"Yes I can." I roll out of bed and sit at my desk. I grab my notebook and start making a list of all the things I can do to chase Depression away. I start with writing down that I can play the ukulele.

"Yeah, but you suck at the ukulele. You don't even know how to play a full song on it."

"I just have to practice."

"Yeah but practice is boring as shit."

I scratch ukulele off the list and write calling a friend down.

"Yeah, but you don't really want to pester them. You're always calling your friends. They don't want to hear your problems. They're not paid therapists. Let them have some space to miss you first," Depression says.

I grow irritated and cut an annoyed look at her.

"I'm calling a friend," I declare and reach for my phone.

"Yeah, go ahead and call them," Depression says and takes a drag from the blunt. I call my cousin, but she doesn't pick up the phone, instead it goes to voicemail. Depression laughs, rolling around on the bed, rippling the blankets. "Haha! She doesn't want to deal with your problems. I told you so!"

"Shhh! Ugh..." I rub my temples and shake my head, then reach in my bag and pull out the pills. I pop four into my hand then toss them in my mouth. I swallow them along with some water and wait for the nausea to hit.

"Go ahead and try to chase me away with those pills. You know, the more you take them, the less effective they work. The less effective they work, the stronger I get. It's a win-win situation for me."

"UGH! What do you want from me?"

"You know what I want from you. Go get a razor and let's play."

"You sick son of a bitch. I'm not cutting myself," I say.

"Then use a lighter and let's feel the burn," she says, gesturing to the lighter in her hand.

"No." I shudder at the thought of burning my flesh and what that would smell like.

"Then swallow that whole bottle of pills. That's the only way to get rid of me for good."

"No!" I snap.

"Then come lay in bed with me and let's do nothing." She opens her arms out for a hug and gestures for me to come join her in bed. I look her up and down.

Depression is wearing tight black leather pants and a fitted wine red v-neck shirt. Around her wrists are silver link bracelets, on her fingers are snake rings, and around her neck are bone and chain necklaces.

I hesitate then crawl back into bed alongside Depression. She smells like roses and lavender and a little like burnt smoke. She wraps her arms around me and puffs smoke in our faces.

I feel her chest rise and fall and I can hear her heartbeat thud slowly in her chest.

We sit nicely like this for a few moments. I wait for her to say something snarky to ruin the moment, but she doesn't. I wonder why it can't always be like this.

"Why do you try to get me to kill myself?" I ask.

"Because Death is my boss. And that's what she wants."

"What? So why don't you work for yourself?"

"I do work for myself. And I work for you. And I love Death, I'll do anything she asks me to do," Depression says. I look up at her and frown.

"Why?"

"Because Death isn't bad. Life gets all the credit for being good. Life gets all the love, and Death get's all the hate which isn't fair. In actuality, Death isn't bad. Death is what makes Life worth living. If we all had infinite life, we wouldn't value it. Think about it. We would get bored with the permanence of everything. Everything would lose form and purpose. Death forces change. Death forces us to value Birth. And that's not a bad thing at all. So many good things come out of Death, you humans just don't realize." I am so charmed by this answer that I almost lose sight of my question.

"But my death? Why do you want me to kill myself?" I ask.

"I just explained! Because that's what Death wants. She wants me to bring her as many souls as I can. So I do."

"That's sick. I want to live. Why can't you work for Life?"

"I do work for Life."

"Why can't you work for just Life?"

"Because she doesn't pay as much as Death."

"Wow." I shake my head and close my eyes.

"Don't get mad at me for being a hustler, baby," Depression says.

"Does money really even matter for you guys?"

"You humans think power and money are unique to yourselves huh? Greed is a close friend of mine." Depression says with the blunt between her lips. She takes another drag from it and puffs the smoke out.

"Why?"

"Well, you know what they say. Keep your friends close, keep your enemies closer. I started to lose track of which was which. Greed's not that bad though. Just has a bad rep, like Death."

"Philosophy time with you makes my head spin," I say.

"Your head seems to be pretty stationary to me," Depression says with a little smile. I smile back at her.

She looks at me and stops smiling.

"What?"

"Stop smiling. You're going to summon Happiness, and that motherfucker is annoying as shit. Can't stand him. Cannot. Stand him."

"I like him."

"Aw shit, I'm beginning to fade."

"Wait no... I..." I start to get nervous. Anxiety appears in the corner of the room.

"You what?"

"I wanted to try something." I say softly and look up at Depression. She raises an eyebrow at me.

"What?" Her voice gets quieter as she continues to fade. I feel a mellow warmth start to glow inside me. I just had to take those pills, huh?

My hand reaches up to cup the side of her face, and I press my lips gently against hers. Depression doesn't move, and is surprised by the gesture. Then she pushes herself on top of me and starts kissing me hard until she fades away completely.

"That was hot." Anxiety says, then takes a sip of coffee. "I don't know how you're going to have a romantic relationship with her. You guys always argue nonstop. She never wants what's best for you either."

"But she's so hot. I just had to try it," I attempt to justify.

"Well, you just opened a big can of worms."