Tolerance Book II

Chapter Sixty-Eight: Reflection

Jays' softly spoken statement prompted Al to take charge of the conversation before Will escalated things into a full blown argument.    His young friend didn't know it but he had observed the imjured man taking meds before leaving Voights' house and that alone attested to the fact   he was not in a good place to be fighting with his sibling.   The thing they had all learnt about Jay was no matter how much he was hurting, physically or otherwise, he would never complain or ask for help. Help that he needed right now whether or not he acknowledged it.   His injuries were clearly taking their toll on his battered frame even without taking into consideration the stress of King and his old mans' malevolent missive so an argument was  definitely the last thing he needed.   Sharing a look with Conor the seasoned Detective addressed Will.

"Doc no one is downplaying the seriousness of this, least of all your brother ... ,"
"Could have fooled me!"
"Unlike you he doesn't wear his emotions on his sleeve," Al ignored the interruption, "but that doesn't mean he's not concerned it just means he's dealing with things his way ..... not yours."
"Al ....," Jay wasn't comfortable with being duscussed.
"No Jay.  Every word I've said is true.  You take things in your stride when the rest of us would be running for the hills
Hell man you've been blown up, shot, beaten up and more besides yet you haven't once given up or felt sorry for yourself."
"What's your point?" the flustered  man demanded.
"Well apart from embarrassing you ," Al winked, "I want the Doc here to know you are well able to handle things.  Sure the Unit is behind you but even if we weren't you'd still come out alive in the end  ....,"
"You can't guarantee that," Will countered, unappeased by the older mans' words.
"You know what he means," the Surgeon decided to help Al, "sure there are no absolutes but Jay is in a better position than most would be because of his strength of character and the calibre of those backing him."
"What's wrong with Witness Protection?"
"After all that has happened with the old man you really have to ask?" Jays' astonishment was obvious.
"Look I know it's not easy but ....,"
"Will I can't hide forever and King will just wait until I resurface.   Too many have died or  been hurt already.   He needs to be takesn off the streets now."
"Jay is the most resilient, determined and courageous man I know," the moustached man insisted.
"Al there's no need to ....," a blushing Jay tried to object.
"Of course he's also Irish so he's stubborn," the veteran Detective continued,  blithely ignoring the interruption, "but annoying as that is, and it really is, it's also a good quality that will help him in this."

Will eyed his sibling across the table seeing the physical testimony of his strength.   Al was right.  He'd have run for the hills a long time ago if he had to deal with even a fraction of what his brother did.   He knew his worry for the younger man was always going to be an uneasy companion but he realized that was his problem to deal with, not Jays.   He'd have to place his faith in the Unit yet again that they'd protect him ...

Joes' Diner

Sitting in the dark green leather booth at the back of the popular eatery that had seen better days Adam looked at the Italian-American across from him as he snatched another couple of fries from his plate unrepentantly.

"You could have just ordered some," Antonio groused without any real heat as he shoved his half eaten meal away.
"So what are we going to do?" Mouse got down to the reason they were there, his empty plate proof that his nervous energy did not interfere with his appetite.
"Voight was pretty adamant King takes precedence," Antonio cautioned as he drained the last of his coffee hoping it would give him some energy, they were all feeling the exhaustion that came with long investigations.
"But we can't just ignore the old mans' note," Adam pointed out.
"What can we do?" Mouse asked with a heavy sigh, he was angry at the whole situation his friend and ex-Lieutenant found himself in.
"I've put in some calls," the Italian-American leant back against the worn leather, the diners' age evidenced in old marks on the wooden table and the timber flooring that had long ago surrendered its' polished shine, "but I'm not optimistic.   Let's face it Halstead Senior could have used any number of people."
"But we established he didn't have many friends," Adam reminded as he speared a piece of chicken with his fork.
"That's the problem," Antonio elaborated, "he either paid a random person or sought out another childhood bully."
"Don't you wonder why it was delivered now?" Mouse eyed his companions curiously.
"Sure but we'll probably never know the reasoning behind the timing."
"Hell he was some piece of work!" Adam cursed.
"Will never work out how someone like that had a son like Jay," Antonio shook his head in disgust, "it beggars belief."
"Do you think the note was just an empty threat?" Adam asked the question they had all been wrestling with since learning of the brief message.
"It's a pretty spiteful thing to do," the IT Specialist observed, "which is definitely his MO."
"Whether or not he had something planned the damage is already done," Antonio grimly noted, "Jay has to deal with that whole mess again."
"I don't think he'll ever forget the hell he went through growing up," Mouse rubbed his forehead as he contemplated the dark upbringing his friend had,  "but he can't put it to  the back  of his mind ofter this and that's where it meeds to be."
"No arguments here," Adam concurred.
"I've gone through the old searches of past pupils I did when we were in witness protection but unless someone hss a criminal record there's nothing to go on," Mouse stated unhappily.
"And just because someone doesn't have a criminal record doesn't mean they're clean," Antonio reminded, "it could just mean they haven't been caught."
"Wish there was some way to narrow down the lists but given how long ago it was I can't apply any beneficial parameters.   Hell we don't even know if it's a man or woman we're looking for. "
"But Jay went to an all boys' school," Adam  objected with a frown.
"He has to consider random persons as well," Antonio put in the reminder, acknowledging the sheer scale of the problem they faced.
"Yeah you're right," Adam agreed sincerely as he ran a hand down his face tiredly,  he'd known that but his weariness was beginning to show after the long hard months on the King case.
"You know what the worst thing is?" the Italian-American eyed his friends thoughtfully.
"What?"
"There's never going to be an end for Jay.  Even if we find out who sent the note there's always going to be a possibility someone else from his school days will come out of the woodwork.  I realized that before but I was able to forget about it. That's a luxury Jay will never have."
"You're right," Adams' voice betrayed his guilt, he too had come to the same realization but he'd also forgotten about it as time passed by.
"There's no point in feeling bad about something you have no control over," Mouse insisted, "it won't serve any beneficial purpose. "
"That your military training talking?" Antonio chided.
"That's my former Lieutenant talking."
"For someone so quiet Jay sure says a lot ," Adam grinned fondly.

                       --------------------------

Voight House

Blissfully unaware he was the topic of conversation elsewhere Jay returned to the Sergeants' residence relieved that things had gone better than expected with Will.  Of course it was Als' candid approach that had helped to deter an argument and for that he was in the older mans' debt.  As he watched the moustached man potter around with familiarity in the kitchen as he set about preparing a rare home cooked meal he reminded himself that although he seemed to bring out the worst in some people, like King and his old man, his good friends more than compensated for such shortfalls and he took solace from that because these days there weren't many good things to draw strength or purpose from.

"You're doing some mighty thinking over there," Al commented as he began dicing a couple of onions on a chopping board.
"Guess I'm just reminding myself how lucky I am to have good friends," the young Detective admitted honestly as he got comfortable on the stool at the counter and eyed the vast array of ingredients the other man had set out inquisitively, "just what exactly are you making?"
"You can't tell?"
"You going to tell me?"
"Figured I'd do a pot luck," Al shrugged as he scraped the onions into a waiting bowl.
"Should be  ........ interesting ," Jay smirked.
"You won't be complaining when you taste it," Al declared as he picked up a carrot, "so what's really on your mind?"
"Not sure what you mean?"
"Sure you do," the seasoned Detective countered without rancour before continuing shrewdly, "and lying isn't your thing."
"Damn," Jay shook his head in defeat, "I didn't mean ...,"
"Kid I wasn't having a go at you.  I just know you well by now.  You keep your troubles to yourself, almost like you're safeguarding them."
"Not sure how you can say that!" Jay scoffed, to him it felt like all his troubles were public knowledge and it didn't sit well with him.
"We only know about certain matters because you couldn't conceal them," the moustached man pointed out, "pretty hard to hide Petrocelli or King.  So tell me what's going on inside that head of yours."
"I .....,"
"What?" Al prompted quietly when his companion hesitated, pausing in slicing through a cucumber then frowning, could one even boil a cucumber?
"I've been thinking about my old man."
"Understandable."
"Even when he knew he was dying ... he didn't show any ..... remorse. "
"But are you sure he knew ?"
"Yeah ..... Will told him when he was in hospital ............ after I ...... shot him."
"Kid he was lucky it was you who shot him.  Me?  I'd bave taken a head shot," Al was unable to conceal his utter disdain for the deceased, "you're not beating yourself up over that still are you?"
"I've learnt to live with what I did," Jay explained truthfully as he nabbed a stray slice of carrot and began turning it in his fingers⁰ distractedly.
"So what's on your mind?"
"I guess I was wondering why he did the stuff he did," Jay finally confided one of his deepest concerns for Al had earned his trust.
"Wish I had the answer," Al noted solemnly as he put down the knife he had been using and folded his arms across his chest giving the troubled man his full attention, "but you know from the job we do there is no excuse for what he did. Cruelty for the sake of cruelty can never be justified.  His note just tells you that he was the exact opposite of you Kid.  He couldn't admit his faults even when he was dying.  He had a chance to make amends and he blew it. You on the other hand don't have a mean bone in your body. Despite everything you chose not to become bitter or angry.  You remember that when you're playing things over in  your mind.  You know there's no answer to your question and I get that just makes matters worse but there's no changing what your old man did whatever his reasoning."
"I know that," Jay sighed heavily as he tossed the now mangled carrot slice into the bin residing in the far corner across the room with his usual accuracy.

The recovering Detective reflected on his pragmatic friends' words.  As usual they were concise and to the point. Unfortunately they didn't absolve the guilt that had reared its' ugly head upon receipt of the unexpected note.  He had told the older man about dealing with the guilt of shooting his old man but had not inparted the guilt that was gnawing away at him for yet again placing his friends in possible danger ...

tbc

Authors' Note

Readers will know I frequently use real hotels/restaurants in this book and the first one.  Occasionally however I just create a locale so I confirm Joes' Diner does not exist (as far as I know!) in Chicago 🤣.