Hating You to Love Me

22. Alex

"You know what you are doing Alex, this holding me, this worried look, this expression of care. I won't let you go back to the cold you I swear." She said as a smile made it's way on her lips. She kissed my chin, failing to reach for my lips. I gulped, she was right. I was never so expressive in last three years. There must be something wrong with me.

I couldn't even smile. I was overwhelmed with emotions. I leaned down as I pressed a kiss on her lips gently. She closed her eyes and I felt her long lashes brush my cheeks gently as they fluttered. I felt the softness of her lips against mine. They were so nourished. Her peach vegan lip-balm that I could taste. It was sweeter, addictive. Her scent filled me as I ran my hand through her hair to the crane of her neck.

Ashley's hands snaked around my neck. I felt her giving me assess to intrude her mouth and I did. It felt so good, the thought of kissing her while I did. I was feeling her against me. Her body collided with mine perfectly. Her lips against mine. Her heart beating against mine through our chests. It was all perfect.

I pulled away and she stared at me. The surprise was evident for both of us. It wasn't just a kiss. It was something more and we both could sense it. She smiled and her cheeks turned red. "See you the day after. You too take care." She said and pulled away. She was gone within a few seconds and I stood there lost. I was failing to get a hold on my emotions, bad. And at that point, I was sure, I didn't want a hold on my emotions anymore.

I threw myself on the bed. I laid there staring at the ceiling. The memories of past flooded my head once again. Everything that reminded me of how wrong I was to kiss her right then. I closed my eyes. I needed to let it go, I needed it to not bother me anymore.

"You cannot drive!!" I yell at Ashley who ran in front of me towards the old vintage car.

"There is no other way Alex. We need to take Elena to the hospital now! All your cars are literally in a wash right now. Your dad wouldn't mind as long as we bring it back safe." She said.

I sighed. "But darling, Dad would literally more than mind it if something happens. Seriously. At least let me drive it." I asked her nicely but I knew it wouldn't work and it didn't.
"No." She said as she hopped inside the driver's seat and I stood there waiting for Elena. Once I saw her, I sighed. I was tense, maybe knowing she was pregnant or maybe knowing taking this car was a big risk.

All the memories of the past Haunted me at that point. It was tough to not think about the consequences. I sighed as I leaned back. After a few minutes of driving I noticed the sobs that were coming from Elena. I sighed and looked back at her.
"And Why are you crying?" I asked her with an irritation that was pent up.

"I-" before she could say anything, Ashley turned her head around too, as she looked over her shoulder. "Stop fucking crying Elena, this is your decision. And yours only!" She said.

"She is right Ele..." my words trailed as I heard the loud honking. I turned my head, I saw a huge truck just a few metres away from us speeding in our direction.
"Ashley! Watch out!" I yelled and she instantly turned the car to the right and it hit the big tree on the roadside. All I remembered was my brain going numb as my head hit the airbag. My breath caught in my chest.

I heard nothinh but a beep sound ringing in my ears. I closed my eyes afraid to breath, to step into the next second. Exactly what I had warned her about, exactly what I had warned myself about. Exactly what I had feared. I took in a deep breath as I heard gasps behind me.

My brain went numb and I stopped feeling a thing. I was shutting down, I could feel it. I turned my head to look at Ashley, if she was okay. She had blood dripping down her head from one side but she was also looking back at me, alive, breathing. Tears filled her eyes. I saw it, the regret, the guily, the shame.

I looked back at Elena who was clutching her bag to her chest and she cried louder. I pulled my phone out as I booked a taxy and turned on the live location. "You have exactly ten minutes before dad gets here. And you both are leaving, I booked a cab for you."

"Alex I am sorry." I heard Ashley. My heart clenched at her pained voice.
"Not now Ashley, NOT FUCKIN NOW!" I said abruptly, biting back my frustration and anger.

"But I can't leave you here like this. This is my fault Alex, I-"
She pleaded and I didn't once look at her.

"You are leaving right now. If you don't want us to end, you will leave NOW!" I told her and she just stared at me before she nodded her head.

I looked at Elena. "I will make sure, you are safe no matter what, El." I smiled at her and she smiled back.
"Be strong Alex." She said as she knew exactly what I needed to hear. She knew the consequences like I did. She knew my suffering.

I still remembered everything so vividly on the back of my head. Those Six months took way every piece of happiness from me. The six months I spent in that basement. It was indeed Ashley's fault, the accident but I was the one who insisted to take the blame. I couldn't blame it on her.
I tossed and turned the whole night, trying not to think of the past again.

I stared at the blank space next to me. Ashley's absence was redefining everything about our relationship to me. If I had hated her so much, why was I missing her already? Why did I wish she was there so that I could sleep peacefully.