BROKEN DREAMS || JIKOOK ✅

36

I rubbed at my cheek and sniffed. "And really, I pushed things a lot."

"I didn't want to be there, where I didn't know anyone and I was even less a person than I had been in Busan."

"It was hard to lose even the little respect, I guess? that I'd had there So yeah, I did things."

"And I'm here pushing you."

I shrugged. "It's not your fault."

"I feel like it is. I should have—"

He broke off, his hands lying limp in his lap and I realized then how much he truly believed that he was to blame.

"You couldn't have known, unless you were there."

I put a hand on his knee and waited with bated breath for either my reaction or his.

When neither of us did anything, I continued. "Most of it happened indoors."

"He made it clear right at the beginning that he was in charge and my job was to look after him and the pups he'd get on me and as long as he was happy, I would be happy."

"He wasn't unreasonable."

"It's always unreasonable if you have to hit someone to get them to do what you want."

He stared at my hand on his knee and I withdrew it.

His hand twitched, as if he'd wanted to reach after me but had restrained himself.

I wasn't sure what I thought about that.

Then again, I was never sure of anything around him, except I wanted him and I was afraid to fail him.

Jungkook rubbed his hands down his thighs, as if the movement helped him think.

"What do you want?"

"What can I do to help you?"

I started to laugh, though it was halfway to being sobs.

"Oh Jungkook, I know what you were doing tonight with that dance and I want you, I do."

"But I'm scared and terrified."

"I see you and I want to kiss you and touch you and something in my body is convinced that the bedroom would be different with you but I'm so scared."

"What if I couldn't bring myself to...why would I do that to you?"

The last words were said in a choked whisper and I bowed my head and squeezed my fists tight enough the knuckles turned white.

"What's the point of an omega you can't fuck?" I whispered in shame.

His fingers tangled in my curls and he turned my face up into the moonlight.

"I could say silly omega but I imagine you've heard that a million times and it's not what I really think."

"Can we make a deal?"

"What sort of deal?"

My heart leapt up into my throat, fear and hope and an agony of indecision choking off my breath.

"Let me court you."

"We can draw up a contract, with whatever rules you want in it."

"I know, they aren't legal with an omega."

"If you want you can choose someone to stand for you in this."

I grimaced. "I go back to heaven stone in a couple of days."

"What's the point?"

"I'll call Kai and tell him I'd like you to stay longer."

"He's not going to agree to that."