saudade; raiden ei

xɪx. history

"...That was when disaster struck." She paused, clearing her throat. Y/n, who had been listening intently to the tale of the twin Archons, could tell that she was holding back her emotions.

"500 years ago... I lost her." Her voice broke. "To... to the calamity. Inazuma was being overrun by monsters, so I..."

The soldier fell silent.

"That's not... what you meant when you told me that you 'couldn't prevent her death', right? You don't.. blame yourself... do you?"

Ei didn't respond.

"Oh, Ei...." She sighed, enveloping the Archon in her arms. Y/n's heart stung for the woman, and she felt nothing but bitter empathy. Ei tensed.

"You don't understand, Y/n. I should've been there. I could've been there. She- she was never a fighter. Yet she didn't tell me..."

She was trying to put on a front for Y/n, and the soldier knew that. She knew the feeling of wanting to protect those she loved. More than anything.

Even in moments such as these, the stubborn Archon clung to her old beliefs. The beliefs that a god must be strong, or they are not fit to lead. That they cannot and will not show weakness in the face of-

"She didn't tell you she was leaving, did she? To Khaenri'ah." After many hours spent in the Tenshukaku library, Y/n was well-versed in Teyvat's history.

Suddenly this was beginning to make a lot of sense.

"You wanted to defend your people, and ended up losing the one you wished to protect most of all." A tragedy, through and through. And when Ei's breath hitched, she knew she had hit the nail on the head.

"Ei. Stop hiding from your feelings. If you never confront them, you'll never be able to look past them. To see the eternity you desire." She averted her gaze before continuing, feeling heat rise to her face.

"And.... and you can be vulnerable around me. If you wish. I won't say anything. You've already proven your fortitude."

For a moment, everything stopped. Ei was still, and as was Y/n. She was just thinking that she had gone too far when the woman hesitantly returned her embrace.

A few more seconds of silence.

Ei's grip suddenly tightened. Y/n was shocked, but quickly steadied herself to bear with the Archon's strength. She heard a quiet sob.

What she was feeling now couldn't begin to compare with Ei's pain.

"I- I don't understand." She mumbled as her body began to shake more violently. "I don't understand, Y/n! Why... why did she do that? Why didn't she tell me? What was she after? It- It should've been me..."

Y/n's heart broke. The soldier didn't care about her problems anymore. She forgot about the white-haired girl. It was nothing. Pointless. She couldn't believe that she had been so self-centred as to not see what was right in front of her.

That day, Y/n swore to herself that she would stop engrossing in her past. She swore to focus soley on what she could remember - the present. The woman that she had held in her arms, and that had become dearest to her.

Time was running out, yet Y/n was more determined to save Ei than ever.

....Unfortunately for her, the answer didn't come to Y/n immediately.

A few days passed before the idea finally hit the soldier. It was late in the evening, and Ei was definitely asleep by that time. Y/n had also been preparing for bed when she almost facepalmed at her own stupidity.