C. [trans copia x trans male reader]

chapter 7: journey

Copia's pov

Everyone gets on the bus, same seating order, but I chose to sit on my own. Sometimes it's nice. But it's because I'm really hurting. My mental state is like really shitty.

As my mind wanders I fall asleep.

4 hours later we arrive at the hotel. Rain wakes me up. "Papa were here" he says.
"Mm, okay, wheres y/n?" I ask.
"With swiss and aether" he says. "okay, thankyou." I say.

We walk inside with our bags and sit in aether and sodos room as its the biggest.
"Hey guys, I bought some alcohol, wanna have fun tonight?" He asks. Everyone agreed to it and was looking forward to it.

It got to about 9:30pm and everything started.

It got to about 11:45pm and most of us were  drunk out our minds.

Y/n's pov

I wasn't that drunk, but Papa was. "Helloo y/nnn~" he says slurring is words. "WOW Papa.. you should probably stop drinking" I advise. "Nah...its fin..e" he says his words mixing up. "Papa I don't want you to hurt yourself" I say getting worried. He hugs me but he's falling for support. So I keep him up. "Papa I can't keep you up!" I chuckle.

I ask for help from the others but they're like OUT. all asleep as it's about 12am now. Papa ends up laughing and saying "I loveee you y/nnn..~"I know he wouldn't actually mean it. "Papa you're drunk there's no way you'd love me hahah" I chuckle drawing him to our room. "Nooo I want to drink moreeee" he says "nope we've had enough for tonight were going to bed" I say.

We get to our room and i put on a movie. "I don't want to sleep I'm hornyyyy~" Papa says. I bust out LAUGHING so hard. "Papa! Don't say that oh my satan!" I sort of shout laughing. We laugh and had a great time talking, he kept saying funny things. "No but im actually horny mio carooo~" he said "no Papa you're tired no lets sleep" I laugh. "Mmmm okayy" we watch the movie for around 10 minutes and fall asleep in eachothers arms.

That was the best sleep ever.

8:00am

"Mmmm..." I hear from copia as he stretches. "Ugh my head hurts so bad..how much did i drink-?" He said "I'm not sure but you were saying a bunch of funny things" I laugh. "Oh? Like what?" He asks. "Well you said you were horny and that you loved me!" I bust out laughing. "Oh? They were both true" he laughs. "Wait you love me?" I ask. "Well, I have for quite some time.." he said as he sat up. "Ah..my head" he also said. "Do we have any paracetamol-?" He asks. "Yeah lemme get it." I say grabbing it from my bag. "Papa.." I say "hm?" He hums. "I..I really love you but, I don't know if I'm ready for a relationship,  you know..I love you so much." I say.

"Oh..I see." He says. I can tell with his tone I upset him.

Fuck.

I get up to wake the others and everyone is also awake apart from sodo, he loves his sleep. "Uh..sodo.-? It's time to get up" I say "ugh fuck of- oh sorry y/n. Ugh...ill get up in a bit. My head hurts so bad." He says.

Everyone gets up and we realise we have our ritual today. Man. I'm scared.

We get finish our practice and have food as its 5:00pm. Giving us more time to get there, it took us 20 minutes to get there.

I sit in my changing room and I start to panic.

Then sobbing

Fuck.

What do I do if people hate me and copia now?

Copia's pov

I sit changing in my changing room. I can't get rid of the thought that y/n probably dosent love me the way I love him. I start feeling the need to start sobbing but I can't because we had to go out on stage in 15 minutes.
I don't cry

But everything still hurts.

I disassociate for like 5 minutes realising time went by rapidly. I get up and get ready to go on stage.

I can't breathe properly

I can't do it.

I can't do it.

That thought went on in my mind for a while. I did it anyways.

I sigh and walk on before kaisarion starts playing.

When the curtain pulls I see 2 transphobic signs. I stutter through the song slightly but I see them pulled out by security. Thank satan.

We continue our ritual and we get through speeches, dances, you know, normal ritual stuff.

We end it.
Cheering, screaming, crying. The usual to be honest.

"THANKYOU MANCHESTER!"

I shout into the crowd.

Cheering, whistling and usual crowd noises.

We get to the meet and greet and I take pictures with everyone.

The line finishes and I walk to the hotel. I look at the bridge.

It's high.

I should jump..

I sit on the edge and contemplate if I should jump when I get a notification from..

sister?

S: "Hello C!, how's the tour going?? ❤️"

C: "Its fine sister, why do you still call me "C"? The old man is dead now! I'm Papa emeritus the fourth! I'm not a cardinal anymore!"

S:*seen*

Wow. She just leaves me on read. I head to the hotel and go to sleep instantly.

2:43am

I sit up. Looking at the paracetamol and sigh

I throw it and just go back to sleep.

Everything hurts.