Right Before The End | BOOK #4 IN THE PSU SERIES

Forty-Nine

It wasn't just Slater. I mean for the most part, it is Slater.

But it's the crippling pressure that I had at sixteen.

I was just a boy who was in love with his best friend.

I played football for fun– I loved it. Everyone knew I loved it.

And suddenly, I was expected to take Slater's position.

I was forced into the same situation as Matti and Reese. I was forced to make a life-changing choice. If I stayed, I would have to quit football. I didn't want to sit through the questions that would be thrown my way about why I quit.

But then, if I did take Slater's spot– how many people's feelings would be affected by that? How many plans that have been made would change?

It was never about making football a career for me.

But for Slater it was.

I just– couldn't deal with it.

I couldn't drag her down with me either because she would take my side no matter what. She would've hated Slater for the shit he would have caused if I took his spot. She would've been heartbroken if more time of mine would've been taken away from her– and I would've been upset with myself.

But then my dad would've wanted to know why I quit.

My dad.

My mom.

Matti.

Griffin.

Reese– oh my god, imagine if they all found out that Reese wanted to force me into the position– they all would've hated him.

It was too much for my sixteen-year-old mind to take on.

So, I left.

I left so Slater could play.

I left so it made it seem like I just wanted to get help, I didn't actually quit.

I left so I made life easier for Sage, even if she had to live without me.

I left and I've been miserable for the last two years.

And now I'm back.

And now I feel like a bag of fucking dicks.

"Are you okay? I mean I know you aren't okay but– fuck, Blaise. This is horrible. Exactly why you should've gone with my idea." I chuckled, pulling away from her. She entered my room, shutting the door behind her. She walked to my bed, sitting on the edge and staring at me.

"Mom, throwing rocks at her window isn't going to do anything but annoy her. Plus, she would hate the fact I'm using rocks to abuse glass. She hates whenever someone harms the ecosystem."

How charming of me to say. Especially when I keep hurting her own ecosystem.

Mom frowned. "Oh, my love. Did she say anything to you?" I shook my head.

"I think you should give her a day to think about it. She needs to just– process everything. Does Slater know?" I shook my head once again.

She placed her head in her hands.

"God, Blaise. This is a mess."

My heart dropped. "I'm sorry."

She looked me in the eyes. "Don't apologize. This is not your fault. You were sixteen and felt like there was no way to please people so you just suffered. The only person that deserves an apology is Sage. She deserves an apology bigger than you have ever given. I get that you didn't tell anyone but Buddy, but Sage went through hell. You didn't mean to– but you put her through hell, Blaise." Her voice cracked.