The Volition

Thirteen

I looked at Kyle who smiled at me. I frowned at the doctor feeling the weight of my heart begin to crack. Tears pushed on the backs of my eyes. I wiped them away with the back of my hand. I coughed and sucked in air to calm my self down. I gulped down tranquility but it didn't seem to work, I could only get more riled up.

I looked at my hands holding each other down from throwing left hooks at anyone who got too close to me. "What's going to happen?" I asked quietly.

"I'd like to start you on chemo. Just the pill form though. See if maybe we can shrink the tumor enough to remove it carefully." I nodded my head. The doctor stood patting my hands. He nodded in understanding and gave me a weak smile. He began to walk out the door. "I know this is hard." He said turning around to face me. "It's for the best though. This tumor could kill you if its not fully removed. It's pressing against your skull and brain."

I bit the inside of my cheek trying to not cry. I nodded again trying to smile at him as he left the room. The minute the door closed though my chest began to heave and giant tears rolled down my cheeks as I coughed out my agony and pain. The weight pressing on my heart finally became to much and I could feel it splitting to pieces. I shook my head back and forth as if denying what the doctor said would change the outcome.

Kyle leaned in stroking my hair out of my face. No, I must have pushed my hair out of my face. Spit and tears globbed hair strands together sticking them to my cheek. I cried harder as it became harder to distinguish between reality and fantasy.

I kicked my legs out in anger and screamed through clenched teeth trying to not be too loud. I slammed my back into the bed and rolled onto my stomach burying my face into the pillow screaming continuously until my throat became raw, Kyle shushing me and rubbing my back. No, no one was shushing me or rubbing my back.

I lifted my head up to gasp for air and slammed it back into the wet pillow screaming all the harder. The beeping of machines began to freak out and grow stronger and nurses ran in trying to calm me down but I couldn't breath anymore.

I looked at Kyle as four nurses came to my aid each taking a limb and holding me down as the doctor took a syringe of clear liquid injecting something into my IV. I felt nothing and then a surge of cold entered my blood stream. I fought the substance as best I could but my vision began to blur and it became harder and harder to stay awake until finally I succumbed to the darkness and passed out.

By the time I woke up Kyle was gone. No he was never there. I shook my head groggily lifting my hand to my head but I couldn't. I looked at my wrist bound to the hospital bed. I yanked at it but it didn't budge. Fear struck my like a bat to my chest. I looked at my other wrist also bound and yanked at the both of them in anger. I looked at my ankles also bound to the bed and screamed in frustration. I began to yank all of my limbs shaking my head back and forth to gain momentum.

A petite nurse walked in then. She was very old and very frail in size. She had leathery black skin stretched across her skeleton body. She held a clip board as she stepped closer to my IV checking it over.

"You can stop that now. You won't break them. They're there for your protection." She didn't even look at me as she spoke, just continued to fiddle with buttons and adjust the monitor.

"I am in the process of dying and you restrain me?" I barked back.

"So dramatic. You won't die. Doctor Schwartzky is incredible at what he does. Best neurosurgeon I've ever had the pleasure to work with." I clamped my mouth shut staring at her thinking of insults. How creative could I get? "You must be hungry though. I'll make sure they bring in more Jell-O for you."

On cue my stomach began to gurgle and I looked down. I was hungry. I thought about the last meal I had. I was cooking with Kyle. No I wasn't I was cooking alone. I laughed alone. I danced alone. I was all alone. I flipped my head deeper into the pillow turning my head to look at the wall.

"There we go, steady flow of pain killers. You start the chemo pill today. You may feel a bit queasy at first but it's not nearly as bad as actually getting the chemo pumped into you." I stared at the white wall intensely looking at all the small bumps of paint clumping in small clusters here and there. I listened as the footsteps of the nurse grew fainter until I was sure she had left the room.

I missed Kyle. I missed his presence. I missed how I felt around him. Happy and free. I missed feeling challenged. I missed having deep conversations. More than anything I missed our friendship. I missed that feeling of family and belonging. Kyle was home to me. I suppose of course we would have so much in common though, he is from my head.

"Kyle?" I whispered.

No response. Of course not, why would there be? But still...

I squeezed my eyes shut trying to conjure up an image of Kyle, "Kyle?" I tried again.

Hey Ace.

I thought about what Kyle would say to me. I couldn't have him anymore. He was gone. The narcotics they had me on took the pressure off my head. No pressure, no migraine. No migraine, no Kyle.

I let out a breath I didn't realize I was holding.

"Kyle, please don't leave me." I whispered.

Never.

Author's note:
Hey my loves! Sorry I was on hiatus as I finished my other book! I'm back now though!!! Hope you're enjoying this book as much as I am. Crazy plot twist! Vote and comment!