Gold Dust || JJK

29 - Waste it on me

"Faye, don't do something you'll regret," Hobi speaks as if he just read my mind, "Hear him out. Then you can decide if it's worth it or not."

I nod for the sake of ending the conversation, with no intention of taking a decision yet.

We board the plane and take our seats, waiting for the take-off. Hobi is right. I should hear him out. Since the night of the party, he texted me daily even though I had not replied.

I unlock my phone and scroll through the most recent messages as a reminder of his efforts.

Jungkook (Sunday, 23:45): This was not supposed to happen... I was not supposed to love you like this. When I first met you, I wouldn't have ever imagined that you would be the one I would ache for. The one whose name leaves me with this nostalgic pain. You mean more to me than I ever expected.

I remember I started crying when I read this message for the first time.

Jungkook (Monday, 22:37): I don't know what I'm more afraid of. To see you again or to never see you again.

As far as I'm concerned, to never see you again.

Jungkook (Tuesday, 03:23): Okay, so let's ignore each other. Let's try to pretend the other one does not exist, but, deep down, we both know it wasn't supposed to end like this.

I got that he might have lost some patience here, which is only understandable. But then he sent me this...

Jungkook (Wednesday, 00:31): So you know, I still care. We may not have spoken to each other in a while, but that doesn't mean if my phone lit up with your name tonight, my heart wouldn't skip a beat like it used to. It would.

I was so close to texting him back here. Just to say I also care about him. But then I deleted the message.

Jungkook (Yesterday, 21:14): Nothing has made me sadder than imagining myself not seeing you ever again.

And that is the last text from him.

He is trying so much, and I keep pushing him away. From the guy who used to call instead of sending texts and who couldn't talk about his feelings, he's now doing them both for me.

I am not playing hard to get, nor do I want to have him beg me for forgiveness or whatever. I have mixed feelings because it hurts whenever I think of him, but then I get a message and mellow up.

The flight attendants finish explaining the evacuation procedures, and before I turn my phone on the airplane mode, my screen lights up.

Jungkook (Today, 20:10): How do I say I miss you in a way that will make your heart ache as mine does?

Jesus Christ, what are you doing to me? My fingers are getting itchy, and no matter how much I want to switch off my phone, I swallow my ego and respond.