checkmate

003 » THE BAU

It's here. The day is finally here. The day I start my new job. After what seems like an eternity of waiting, I've finally made it. And nothing can go wrong. I won't let it. Today is going to be the best day of my life.

I haven't slept well, but I'm too nervous to be tired. Hurrying into my kitchen, I hastily make myself a cup of coffee to keep me awake, and down it quickly. I wince as the hot liquid burns my throat, but choose to ignore it. Placing the empty mug into the sink, I hurry back into my room to get dressed. My eyes scan across the outfit I have layed out on my bed, trying to decide whether it's good enough for my first day at a brand new job- brand new people, I want to make a good impression. I sigh and give in, not wanting to spend too long deciding on what to wear. As I peel off my bedshirt, tossing it into the laundry basket, I try not to look down at my chest, knowing I'll just feel dysphoric- after all, right now is pretty masculine.

Once I'm dressed, I check myself in the mirror to make sure I look okay. I straighten out my tie, my gaze scanning over the outfit. Hopefully it's alright. A white button-up shirt with a black tie, black slacks, a red waistcoat, and a black blazer. It should be okay.

I brush my hair, typing it up in a loose ponytail but leaving a couple of strands hanging down in front of my face. Sliding on my Doc Martens, I grab the already packed go-bag from the bottom of my bed, just in case, and making sure I have everything I need, and I head out the door. As I head down the stairs of my building, practically buzzing with anxiety and excitement, I reach for my phone as it starts to ring. A smile appears on my face as I see that it's my mother who is calling.

"Hey, Mom," I say, tossing my bag onto the passenger seat as I clamber into my car.

"Hi sweetie," she responds, and I can almost hear the smile in her voice. "I'm just calling to say good luck today, you're going to be great, and everyone's going to love you."

"Thanks," I reply, suppressing a giggle as I plug in my seatbelt. "I'll let you know how it goes when I get home?"

"Of course," she answers. "Have you heard from your father today?"

"No, Mom, of course I haven't," I sigh. "You know what he's like."

"I know, I know, honey. I just thought he might want to congratulate you."

"Clearly not," I mumble. "Anyway, I have to go now. Bye."

"Bye-bye, have a good day. Love you."

"Love you too. Bye," I say, and she hangs up the call.

I shove my phone into my bag and start the car, my fingertips tapping repetitively on the steering wheel. Before beginning to reverse out of my parking spot, I take a big breath, almost as if I'm preparing myself. I mean, I pretty much am. I turn on the speakers, letting the CD I have in play- Whatever People Say I Am, That's What I'm Not by Arctic Monkeys- and pull out of the spot. Anxiety churns within my stomach as I start the drive to the BAU, making me feel a little nauseous, but I try to ignore it.

All week, to my disappointment, I haven't been able to take my mind off of Spencer, but I know today will be a distraction from him, so I hopefully won't have to trouble myself with the thoughts of him. I swear, he should start paying rent for the amount of time he spends in my mind.

As I drive the slightly familiar route to the BAU- it's beginning to be engrained in my mind from the times I've been there for things like interviews and gun training- I allow my thoughts to run with the music. The song changes to Fake Tales Of San Francisco and I resist every urge I have to sing along. I know that nobody will hear, of course, it just seems a little embarrassing to sing outside of the confines of my home.