At long last I landed in Barcelona. The flight was 2 hours but I couldn't sleep. My mind was racing. I kept thinking about the conversation I was going to have with Aitana. We had been friends for most of our lives, playing football together and watching each other succeed. I had always known I wanted to play abroad but I knew Aitana wanted to stay in Spain. We still talked despite being so far apart but it was never the same. Being apart meant we slowly drifted apart and it was difficult. I knew I should have made more of an effort to stay in touch but I found it easier to not talk as much. It hurt knowing all of my friends saw each other every day and naturally became closer.
I walked through the airport grabbing my suitcase. I was only planning on staying 4 days. I was also going to see my family before I needed to go back. I got in a taxi and headed straight for the hotel I booked. Aitana wanted to pick me up but she had training and wouldn't be home until later. As we drove through the city I stared out the window watching the world go by. Despite playing abroad I had always had a feeling I'd end up in Barcelona. Maybe that was Aitana though.
Once dropping my stuff off I headed to a nearby restaurant to grab some lunch. The plane food was awful and Spanish food was unmatched. I sat enjoying the peace and the sun. I didn't have any plans as I made sure I could see Aitana. After I was done I headed back to the hotel and watched some Netflix to distract myself from the pit of nerves in my stomach.
Eventually at around 4 o'clock Aitana texted, letting me know she was back from training. Checking I had everything, I grabbed my phone and called for a taxi. As we got closer to her apartment I got more and more anxious. I kept reminding myself of both Alexia and Patri's words. When the car came to a stop I took a deep breath, payed the driver and got out. I slowly walked up and knocked on the door with a million thoughts running through my head. Those thoughts vanished once I saw her.
"Hey, come in" she smiled softly and opened the door more for me to go inside.
"Do you want a drink?" Aitana said following me closely behind
"Yeah, water please" i said, my mouth becoming dry. I watched as she moved around her kitchen, grabbing two glasses and filling them both up with water. I took a moment to notice all of the things that had changed since I had last been. She had a new tv, now placed on the wall. She had more pictures on the wall and had gotten rid of the awards that sat on the shelf above the tv.
She seemed to notice my staring and answered the question I had in my mind
"I put them in the spare room. I didn't like having them out. It felt like a museum" she handed me the glass before sitting down
"Not even the champions league medal?" i asked knowing how proud she was of that
"No, that one is in my bedroom" she laughed, her eyes sparkling
"How was training?" I sat beside her, her arm brushing mine but I was too scared to move
"It was good, I miss the national team though" she replied
"Same, I don't want to go back right now though"
"How was your flight?" She asked but I could tell she was waiting for me to bring up the real issue. I hated how awkward the conversation seemed, it had never been like this with us before.
"I didn't enjoy it much. My mind was racing" i replied honestly, starting the conversation I had been dreading
"How come?" Concern covered her face
"I've been struggling, trying to figure out how I feel"
"Are you okay? What can I do?" She reached for my hand and interlaced our fingers causing butterflies in my stomach
"Please just listen, I'm still figuring it out"
"Of course, take your time" she smiled encouragingly, our eyes locked and for a split second I wanted to lie. I wanted to ignore the feelings I had and just be with my best friend. I couldn't loose her, ever.
"As you know, we've been friends for as long as I can remember. We grew up together, playing football together. When I moved away I hated how much of an outsider I felt. I saw you and the other girls get on so well and I wanted to be there. I've loved playing abroad but I miss so much. With you though," I paused and glanced at her face, she wasn't giving anything away, her expression unreadable
"With you it's always been easier. You've never made me feel as if I've missed something, you always make sure that I'm okay and doing well. Your unselfish and caring. You notice details everyone else misses. When I saw the group of Barcelona players on the pitch last week I looked for you. I always look for you. I've been so worried, I still don't know how I feel and I'm so scared Aitana but I can't keep acting as if I don't feel how I feel." I reached for the glass of water on the table to buy me some time. I also wanted to wait in case she had something to say
"Why do you feel scared?" She squeezed my hand slightly as if she was unsure herself
"Because I can't bare the thought of loosing you" i whispered
"Come home" she suddenly said causing me to perk up
"What?" I tilted my head confused
"Come back home, to Spain. I know your scared, I am too. I have this unexplainable feeling around you and I can't get rid of it. If you come home, we can figure this all out. I don't think we can when you live in Germany and I live in Spain"
Aitanas words made my heart beat faster
"I don't know if I can leave. What if I cant?" I started to panic knowing that my contract didn't run out for another year
"I don't know how we're supposed to do this then. We need to be able to explore whatever is going on without interruption"
Although her point was valid I couldn't help but feel heartbroken. I removed my hand from hers and tried to control my breathing
"I...I can't just leave, my contract is for another year and no team in Spain wants me. I can't do this" i stuttered standing up ready to leave
"It's okay, calm down" Aitana reached for my hand again but I moved away
"It's not okay Aitana, can't you see. I want to be here with you but it's not that easy. I should have never come" I could feel tears forming in my eyes but I tried blinking them back. I was going to lose something I never had.
"I'll speak to Barcelona. Please don't leave. Just stay." Aitana reasoned
Despite the pain in my chest she still had ahold of my heart. Maybe that was the problem.
I sat back down and leaned towards her. She wrapped her arms around me and we sat in silence. I managed to fight the tears and I tried to enjoy being in her arms as it may be the last time.
There will be a part 3 coming out.
