Allegro con fuoco

LXI

They walked over a narrow path between beautiful borders of flowers. Eddy's heart was still beating in his throat, Brett's words still floating around him, filling him up, making him whole like he never had been before. 
What could he say in return? 
The truth? 

As the marina came into view in the distance he took a deep breath and started talking, just casually, letting the words flow.
"So, you said a whole bunch of things to me in the gardens. Words that I'll carry in my heart until the day I die. You're not someone who always shares a lot. Sometimes you worry me, because I don't know what's going on inside, because I don't know how to help. It made those words more powerful, somehow. So here are some of mine."
They had stopped walking as if they had agreed it. The group was long gone, and it was quiet here. Still he decided not to take Brett's hand, instead just looking into his eyes, trying not to cry. 
"I fell in love with you in math tutoring too, you know. I didn't even know I was gay yet back then but it sure didn't take me long to find out." He chuckled softly as he thought back of a confused, young Eddy, in his bedroom. "God, it's true we've never talked about this. You know, I dreamed of kissing you. Had my first wet dream because of it, felt so fucking guilty, had to wash out my boxers in the sink in my room so my mum wouldn't find them and kill me."
Brett grinned.
"Really? God, that's so sad. And so beautiful at the same time. Your first orgasm was because of me? I wish I would have been there with you. I would have made it better."
Eddy smiled at him. 
"You did make it better, remember, when you helped me feel okay about it that time at AYO?"
Brett smiled too.
"It was so... well. I won't say the word. But it was. And so sad at the same time. We were still just kids, really. I can still see your face, so guilty, so embarrassed. I'm so glad I was able to make that better."
"You can say adorable, you know. It's alright now. In the end it's led to good things, no?"
Brett nodded softly as another tear welled up.
"Fuck it, I can't stop crying." he said harshly as he swiped at it. "Yeah. The best things. I can't believe we're getting married, Eddy. Even if it's just sort of."
"Me either. I've always loved you, Bretty. You know that, right? And I've strived to be better to deserve you. I will always strive to be better for you, with you."
"As will I." Brett whispered in a thick voice. "I wish I could kiss you right now."
"If I kiss you now I won't be able to stop myself." Eddy said honestly. 

He had expected Brett to nod, maybe to agree. But instead he looked around him. Then he pointed. 
"Is it too terrible I want to go there?"
Eddy followed his finger. Toilets. There were toilets. Instantly his heart was in his throat. This was Singapore. They would be clean and spacious. Could he? Did he dare? But before he could finish the thought his legs were already carrying him there, his brisk pace turning into a gentle jog, with Brett on his heel. He looked around him as he got to the restroom. Nobody around. Was he really about to risk this? Here, in Asia? But Brett was already opening the door, and before he knew it he had followed him in and was locking the door behind them both.