Redeeming a Dark Heart

Chapter 21: The Baby

I woke up in the middle of the night to a knock on my door. I heard a baby crying and a muffled voice. Maybe I was still dreaming.

"Regina?" The voice called, knocking louder on my door.

I sat up. It wasn't even light out yet, but I got up to see what I was needed for.

I opened the door and Robin stumbled in sleepily, holding Roland. He rocked the baby, trying to get him to stop crying. The little boys face was red and tears streaked down his cheeks as he wailed.

"Robin-" I said in surprise, wondering what he was doing here so early.

"Regina." He interrupted. "I'm sorry to wake you, but you seemed so natural with Roland...he won't stop crying and, well, I thought you might have better luck at calming him down than I've had." He started to lift Roland into my arms.

I stepped back, unsure. "Robin...I don't know, I've never really--"

"Regina please." He begged me and I looked down at the red faced baby that he held out to me.

"Alright." I sighed, carefully taking Roland into my arms.

"Shhh, you're alright." I cooed gently to the baby, rocking back and forth. I started walking around the room, bouncing him softly and patting his back. After a few minutes, I could hear his crying fade until it was just a quiet whimper. Soon enough, he was asleep in my arms.

I walked back over to Robin, smiling at the sleepy baby I held.

Robin grinned as I brought Roland over, now sleeping peacefully.

"If you want, he could stay here in my room in case this happens again." I offered quietly, being careful not to wake the baby.

Robin thought for a second before agreeing.

"That would be great." He said, smiling eagerly. "I'll go get his stuff." I smiled and nodded, looking back down at Roland as Robin turned to leave the room.

I cradled his son in my lap, sitting down on the bed. He was still so small. I looked at his tiny face and stroked his baby soft skin. He looked so sweet and innocent. I felt so sorry for what I'd done to him. I'd killed his mother.

No, that wasn't me. I'm different now. I reminded myself.

But I still felt the need to make up for what I'd done. Roland was still just an innocent baby who deserved love, a mothers love. And I planned on providing as much of that love as I could. I would be his mother, the mother he no longer had, and he would be my son, the child I couldn't have. I thought back on the incident with my mother.

The wound of Daniel's death had still been as fresh as ever, consuming me, making me think there was no one else who could love me, at least not like he had. I sat in my quarters in the dark, consumed by the sadness of my loss. My father had come in to comfort me, but it hadn't helped much. It felt like it had happened forever ago, but it really hadn't been very long. I was queen but I sat in the dark, feeling as if I was nothing. I was nothing to anyone. The only person who had ever loved me was dead, and no one would ever love me again. That's what I thought at the time. My father tried to convince me I could find someone, I didn't have to live this way. I knew my suffering was causing others to hurt, but at the time that only sounded fair. If I was in so much pain, they should be too. None of who I was was my own fault, it was my mother who had caused all of this, she had ruined my life. Now, although I believed that hurting others was fair in light of what I'd been through, I thought differently about children. I would never hurt them. The people I killed deserved what I caused them, even if they didn't. A child was different. Children were pure and they had a whole life ahead of them, their fate was predetermined by what happened to them at this age. I wanted a child, but I didn't want my child to end up like me. A child deserved a chance, but I knew that my child would have no chance at a good life. Being raised by the "Evil Queen", that would have been exactly what I had grown up in, exactly what had caused me to become this. I had been thinking about this when my mother had walked into the room. I had been shocked and upset by her appearance. I stood up to confront her, but she didn't even flinch. How was she here, hadn't the magic mirror worked? What did she want from me? I stood up and grabbed a potion I'd been working on. She deserved to see this. She deserved to see what she'd done to me. I told her what it was for and why I was drinking it. It was because of what she had made me, and I wouldn't put my child through the same fate, I wouldn't have a child at all, ever. She tried to stop me, she didn't think I was serious. But I proved that I was. I drank it down. I stared at her defiantly. I was proud, I had stood up to her once again. But then I bent over with pain. Sharp pains ripped through my stomach, though he pain was not solely physical. Now, I had confirmed that I would never find love, I had confirmed that I would never have a family, I would always be alone. I didn't know it would hurt so much. My mother scolded me, telling me she's only come to apologize for what she'd done, and now I'd hurt myself. I ordered that she leave, still bent over on my knees, teeth clenched with pain. She took my father with her, I'd realize that later. I was truly left alone. And there was no chance of anything changing that. I was alone forever.

I shook the memory from my mind and thought back to Roland, I could find a way to deal with my situation later.

Roland was helping me see the good in myself just as Robin was. His innocence reminded me of how I'd once been, and made me wish I'd never done all the terrible things I had. It made me want to erase all of the pain and terror I'd caused. But there was no changing it now. What was done was done. There was no changing what had already happened, the best I could do would be to help ease the suffering I'd caused, try to fix my mistakes.

Robin was back quickly. He tapped on the door and I walked over, opening it with one hand and still holding Roland in the other. He brought in a small woven crib and a few other things I might need. He smoothed out the blankets in the crib so I could lay Roland down. We both watched him sleep for a few moments, smiling slightly, before looking back up at each other.

His eyes caught mine and I was trapped in his gaze. He stepped toward me and we were instantly drawn into a kiss. It began softly and then grew more passionate. We broke apart, breathing heavily, and looked into each other's eyes, crazed with love.

"You could stay here too if you want." I said quietly to Robin, hoping he wouldn't deny. He smiled fondly, nodding his head.

He gave a smirk and I knew what he was thinking, but then his smirk faded and he shook his head slightly.

"I'd love to..."

"But, there will already be enough gossip from Little John about our trip." He said sadly, and I knew he was right. It wasn't so much the fact that we were together, I knew that wouldn't be a secret for long, but having gossip that we were sleeping together, that couldn't happen, not yet.

He kissed me once more and backed away slowly.

"I'll see you in the morning milady." He whispered before quietly leaving the room.

"Goodnight." I whispered after him as the door shut. I stared at the closed doors for a few moments after he closed them. I turned away slowly to go back to bed, knowing I wouldn't sleep much more tonight. I got up a few times to settle Roland down, and never actually fell back to sleep.