Hermitcraft Incorrect Quotes

Chapter 3

Scar: Is letting someone win at chess sapiosexual bottoming
Grian: Does anyone in this godforsaken group ever think before they speak

Scar: How petty can you get?
Grian: I once edited a Wikipedia article to win an argument I was wrong about.

Scar: I actually have a black belt.
Grian: In what, karate?
Scar: No, from Gucci.

Scar: Welcome, fellow idiots
Grian: Hello, Scar
Scar: No, no, not you, you're not an idiot
Grian: You underestimate me

Scar: I think I'm having a mid-life crisis.
Grian: You're like 15 years old
Scar: I MIGHT DIE AT 30!

(A/N: Scar is 39 irl, and Grian is 29)

Scar: In light of what you did for me, you can hug me for four to five seconds.
Grian: FORTY FIVE SECONDS?!?
Scar: No! Four to five seconds!
Grian: Too late!!!

Scar: I prevented a murder today.
Grian: Really? How'd you do that?
Scar: self control.

Scar: I'm 10 times funnier and sexier than you
Grian: 10 times 0 is still 0 though
Scar: Jokes on you, I can't do math

Scar: Don't worry, I have a few knives up my sleeve.
Grian: I think you mean cards.
Scar, pulling knives out of his sleeves: No, I do not.

Scar: I'm going to take you out
Grian: great, it's a date!
Scar: I meant that as a threat.
Grian: See you at five!

Scar: What is your biggest weakness?
Grian: I can be uncooperative.
Scar: Okay, can you give me an example?
Grian: No.

Scar: Are you an 'arr' pirate, or a 'yo ho ho' pirate?
Grian: I'm a 'I'm not paying £600 for photoshop' pirate.

(A/N: £ NOT $ GRIAN IS BRI'ISH)

Scar: You kill people for money?!
Grian: I can explain!
Scar: And all this time I've been doing it for free like a chump!

Scar: Is something burning?
Grian: Just my love for you.
Scar: Grian, the toaster is on fire.

Scar, struggling to keep upright in his 1 inch heels: Yeah, I-I don't really think heels are for me
Grian, pointing at him and walking flawlessly in sparkly golden 6 inch heels: WEAK.

Scar: Hey, you want some leftovers?
Grian: What's that?
Scar: You've never had leftovers???
Grian: No, because I'm not a quitter.

Scar: English is a difficult language. It can be understood through tough thorough thought, though.
Grian: You need to stop.

Scar: You often use humor to deflect trauma
Grian: Thank you
Scar: I didn't say that was a good thing
Grian: What I'm hearing is, you think I'm funny

Scar: Hey, it's your turn to wash dishes.
Grian: I'LL WASH THE WALLS RED WITH YOUR BLOOD.
Scar: 'Kay, but before that, wash the dishes, also use soap this time?

Scar: You're 'the second worst thing to ever happen to those orphans', what does that mean?
Grian: It means i was second worst thing to happen to those orphans.
Scar: but what's the first worst thing?
*Awkward pause*
Grian: Scar, they...they weren't always orphans.
Scar:

Scar: Whaddya call a fish with no eye?
Grian, not looking up: Myxine Circifrons
Scar:
Scar: fsh

Scar: This is such a bad idea.
Grian: Then why are you coming along?
Scar: One of us need to be able to talk the cops out of arresting us when this inevitably goes wrong.

Scar: I've already sent good vibes your way... they're coming. There's nothing you can do to stop them.
Grian: This is the most threatening way I've ever been cheered up.

Scar: Do you take constructive criticism?
Grian: I only take cash or credit.

Scar: How do I deal with my enemies?
Grian: Kill them
Scar: That's a bit extreme, I was hoping for a more passive solution
Grian: Kill them only a little?

Scar: I slept for almost 12 hours but I might still be tired so lets go for 12 more just incase.
Grian: Scar, that's a coma.
Scar: Sounds festive.

Scar: Grian, stop! This isn't you, you've gone mad with power!
Grian: Well of course I have.
Grian: Have you ever tried going mad without power?
Grian: It's boring.

Scar: Today is a day of running through hurdles.
Grian: Aren't you supposed to jump OVER hurdles?
Scar: Whatever. Fear is only something to be afraid of if you let it scare you.

Scar: I can explain.
Grian: Can you?
Scar: If you give me thirty seconds to think of a lie.

Scar: What's up guys? I'm back.
Grian: What the- you can't be here. You're dead. I literally saw you die.
Scar: Death is a social construct.

Scar: Stop buying plastic skeletons for Halloween! It's terrible for the environment!
Grian: Yeah! Locally sourced, all natural skeletons are much more environmentally friendly!

Scar: You fuckers don't know about my knife stick. It's a knife taped to a stick and it's the ultimate weapon.
Grian, not looking up from his book: Spear.
Scar: BLOCKED.

Scar: Am I going too far?
Grian: No, no, no. You went too far about seven hours ago. Now you're going to prison.

Scar: Okay. I get it. You've had a really hard time lately, you're stressed out, seven people died-
Grian: Twelve, actually.
Scar: Not the point. Look, they're dead now and really whose fault is that?
Grian: Yours!
Scar: That's right: no one's.

Scar: Go to Hell
Grian, tearing up: I wish I could

Scar, going over Grian's resume: Okay, so right here, it states that you're creative.
Grian: Yes
Scar: Okay... may I know what you create?
Scar: Problems.

Scar, standing with their back turned: I've been expecting you, Grian.
Grian: How did you do that without turning around?
Scar: ... To be perfectly honest, the first couple of people I did that to were not you.

Scar, in a meeting: My policy is if you see something, say something.
Grian: I saw a squirrel in a tree today!
Scar, with the tone of someone who is used to Grian: Outstanding.
Scar: This is what I'm talking about people.

Scar, in a beach shirt: So sue me, it's October and I'd like to be on Island Time for a day!
Grian: I have Spotify open right now on my computer, do you want me to blast you? Do you want me to put you on blast? Cuz I've got your history right here on the sidebar,
Grian: Take it Back by Jimmy Buffet, Nautical Wheelers by Jimmy Buffet, Jolly Mon Sing by Jimmy Buffet, Steamer by Jimmy Buffet, trEAT HER LIKE A LADY BY JIMMY BUFFET, MAÑANA BY JIMMY BUFFET, WHEN SALOME PLAYS THE DRUMS BY JAMES BUFFET, HAVANA DAYDREAMIN BY JIMMY BUFFET- What the FUCK happened to you?!
Scar, laughing: I HAD A CASE OF THE MONDAYS
Grian: ARE YOU HAUNTED?! ARE YOU FUCKING POSSESSED?!
Grian: YOU USED TO BE MY FRIEND
Scar, cry-laughing: ᴵ ᴴᴬᴰ ᴬ ᶜᴬˢᴱ ᴼᶠ ᵀᴴᴱ ᴹᴼᴺᴰᴬʸˢ

Scar: Sorry it took me so long to bail you out of jail
Grian: No it's my fault, I shouldn't've used my one phone call to prank call the police

Scar: I was thinking I'd do some magic-
Grian: You? Magic? Scar, it says talent show.

________________________________________________________________________________

I decided to treat you guys bc why not :)

Also, I'm wondering whether I should change my preferred name from Max to Auri please help me

Bye! <3

~1080 words