Hating You to Love Me

17. Ashley

"We need to talk." He said. My heart skipped a beat and I tucked my lower lip subconsciously. "But-" before I could say anything else, he pulled me with him with my wrist. Next thing I knew was that I was in his room which was now locked leaving us alone inside it.

He put his hands in his pockets. "So, how long are you planning to avoid me?" He sighed and I just gulped. How do I tell him I wasn't avoiding him it just turned out as so.   My words were stuck in my throat. He stepped towards me and I stepped back with his every step.  "Alex-" I yelped as I stumbled falling on his bed. I supported myself with my elbows.

He stood their, tall, in front of me. "Listen Ashley, what happened that night made it clear that it was mutual. So are you going to keep running from the truth and your feelings or are you going to be my girlfriend?" He said so casually that my heart almost popped out of my chest.

"What?" I blinked still absorbing what he had said. He leaned down trapping me between his arms and the bed. "Yes or no?" He raised his brow. His face a couple inches away. I could even see the mole under his eye.  We both heard a knock on the door. My heart skipped a million beats out of fear.

"Alex-" I whispered. He didn't budge instead his cold stare cut me short.
"Yes or No?" He repeated himself. I felt my heart melt and there was a knock again. My stomach twisted inside. Goosebumps rose all over my body. The embarrassment of Elena finding out made my heart shutter. 

"Yes." I said closing my eyes. It was all I could do. He had left me with no other option.  I felt both embarrassed and as if all the weight had been lifted off my chest. It happened, I had finally said it.

"Good." He said and pulled away taking my hand in his; pulling me towards himself. He walked to the door and then opened it. Elena was staring at us awestruck and my cheeks burned red. "We're dating." He said bringing out intertwined hands to his face and kissing the back of it.

I felt heat rile inside me. I looked in Elena's terrified eyes before she smirked. "Must have known after that night you spent together." She changed her expression to a cold one real quick. "But it is still inappropriate. You guys cannot-" she sighed.

"You guys can talk it out yourself. I will have a talk with you later Elena." Alex said as he sighed once again, still holding my hand in his. He turned to me. "And peach, I want you to be ready by 9pm tonight, we're going on a casual walk date." He said gently. There was command but warmth. He smiled lightly as if assuring me. I nodded my head to afraid to say anything.

"Good." He muttered giving my nose a peck. My heart was in a frenzy, No way he could do that to me, so casually. My heart might fail soon at the rate I was skipping beats. I suppressed a smile as I watched his kiss Elena's head before he left. I sighed audibly and then my eyes fell on her.

Her small smile and frown was a ray of hope for me. "Shut up." I said knowing she was about to say something ridiculous. She finally let her smile go and then giggled doing the happy dance. "Finally!!!" She said gleefully. My smile widened. I knew she knew about my crush. Why wouldn't she, she read me like a book.

"Oh god! I am so happy but so sad. What if something happens between you two, It'd trouble me so much Ashley. I can't lose either of you. You are my best friend and he is my only brother. I love him and I love you. It's always gonna eat me up." She sighed and I hugged her. "Don't worry, nothing's going to happen. Ever. I won't force you to chose sides. Never. Always be on his, always."
She looked at me and I smiled.

Little did I knew, it wasn't our choice but time's. Who was going to end up on which side. But I had always been happy Elena kept her promise. She didn't take my side, but his. And that was also why I knew how wrong I was, and how much it had hurt.

A tear slipped from my eye, knowing nothing had solved. He still wasn't aware of what I had gone through. He still wasn't willing to open up to me, and tell me what hurt him. He still didn't let me know why he thought I cheated, even though I clearly knew why. I wanted him to say it so that I could let him know the truth. The weight was there. The feelings were there. All this time I had pretended to hate Alex, so that I could love me a little. What hate? That bickering, vicious words were nothing but a way for both of us to keep hanging onto the thread of hate to not let go of the past.

Once In a while, we'd remind each other what happened so that we'd not lose ourselves and the past. Why? Why were we still hanging onto it? Or just maybe, us hanging onto that thread was the only way to be involved with each other. He'd never left a chance to retort back to me, to throw mean backhanded comments, compliments. Why? Because just like me, he knew once we stooped, we'd end. Us, would vanish.

I turned around, away from him. His warmth burned me. It made me sad and content at the same time. My feelings were a turmoil. Why was I stuck in this cycle of remorse and love? When would it end? Just as I wondered that, his hand appeared around my waist as he pulled me back in his chest. My back pressed against him.

His lips brushing my shoulder and his breathing was clearer. "Don't ever do that again." He said under his breath and my heart exploded. Emotions ran through me but I held onto them. I felt my pulse rise once more as his sound shattered every string of patience and every wall of coldness.
"I thought you were asleep." I whispered back as if a random thought.
"There hasn't been a single night I had gone to sleep knowing that you haven't." He said and his hands reached for my hands as he held onto them.

He wasn't asleep, he was waiting for me to fall asleep. I kept repeating it inside my head over and over again. What he said was stuck. I closed my eyes, and finally after my body gave in and relaxed into his, sleep took over. And maybe he followed me after. There was a small smile on my face that night. I wasn't just happy, I had fallen deeper into his trap.