DUSKWOOD: Meeting You

No secret between us.

After finishing eating we clean up and I took a quick shower before going to Jake and saw him sitting on his bed with his laptop. So I quietly sit down beside him and he pulls me closer to himself.

I quietly snuggle closer to him and said, "I am ready to talk about earlier."

Jake plant a kiss on my head and said, "Only if you are ready my love."

I took a deep breath before looking up at Jake and said, "I don't want to hide anything from you, Jake. Especially since… you remember when I have that chat with Thomas after he messes with Hannah's phone."

Jake look at me and nodded. I smiled a little and look down before saying, "After that talk with Thomas, especially when he asked me 'If I have done something like Hannah in my past would I have told my partner' that time my answer was, I don't know."

I look up at Jake who was looking at me, so I smile and said, "That day, I realized that our relationship was based on trusting each other, which Hannah and Thomas didn't have. So I don't want there to be any secret between us."

Jake caresses my cheeks and said gently, "If it's a hard topic you don't have to tell me Mc."

I lean on Jake's hand and said, "It's just I never talked about it with anyone except my brother, sister, and my psychiatrist."

Jake looked at me worriedly and said, "Psychiatrist…Mc…"

I know that he will be worried especially after his reaction to Hannah's depression back then kind of took a toll on him, but I don't want to hide it either after all my past is not like Hannah's. But it did leave a deep scar on my heart like Hannah.

So I sit straight and stop his words and said, "Don't worry, I didn't do anything like Hannah or something. It's just my parent's car accident… and their sudden death… left a deep scar on me. Like Jennifer's death, left a scar on Hannah and Richy."

Jake looked at me and just hold my hand quietly without saying anything. I smile sadly and said staring in a daze, "You know, Jake I… when my parent's car… accident happened… I was also in the same car with them." 

I took some breaths. Jake hugged me while patting my back and said, "Mc I am here with you."

I buried my face in Jake's chest while holding on to his shirt tightly and said, "I have several depression, anxiety and panic disorders,  Schizophrenia and PTSD."

Jake just hug me tightly while I continue, "When back then you asked me if I know what SSRI was I did know, that's why I won the bet."

Jake said quietly with a chuckle, "So you did cheat."

I pull away from Jake's arms and said, "Like Hannah, my mental illness was also in control, but after Richy's attack I mean, him pretending to get attacked on himself, it started to get a little worse… I started to have nightmares of Richy, in past, it was just my parents…"

Jake cupped my face in his hands and said looking into my eyes guiltily, "I am sorry Mc. It's my fault, I didn't know that it took an effect on you like this."

I just shake my head and said, "Will you stop blaming everything on yourself Jake, it's not your fault. I chose to help Hannah and everything else too. So please, stop blaming yourself."

Jake leans his forehead on mine and closes his eyes. I look at him and slowly close my eyes too.

I know that whatever, I have to tell Jake just now is hard for him to take. But this is not a thing I want to hide from him...