Need You -N.H- Book Two

Twenty Two; Begin Again

Begin Again

"Miss Winters?" The doctor is standing in front of us, I'm still gripping tightly to Lou's grey sweater I had brought from home that morning.

Bradley had forced me to go shower and change my clothing, it was a fight for the ages. Liz dragged me from the hospital practically kicking and screaming, shoving me into the car and taking me home.

I was so glad once the steam poured down over my body, relaxing all the muscles in my shoulders and back. Clean clothes helped too, the old ones smelt of coffee and Niall. Now I stand with his sweater clenched between my fingers and a stern look on my face as the doctor finally comes to us.

"He's in critical condition, we were able to repair his lung somewhat but he's lost a lot of blood. He's sustained serious injury to his skull, two ribs and his ankle is broken. We repaired his ankle with a few pins, but we couldn't reposition his ribs in caution of damaging his lung any further."

"Oh my god," I say covering my mouth.

"He's asleep right now, induced coma... that's for the better, being allergic to morphine the pain would be unmanageable if he was awake." The doctor looks at me sympathetic with my emotions. "You can go in there now."

Before he has time to finish his sentence I am at the bed foot of Louis, his hair is slicked back and a large bandage covers his forehead. His chest rises and falls in time with the large machines surrounding him. My throat is dry, hard to breathe as I stare at the cuts that line his face and arms, small ones most likely made from the glass. I stare but all I can think about it that I put him here, if I hadn't been so angry with him...he would have never thought to fight with Tom like that.

"You're such an idiot," I whisper walking over to his bedside. I lay the sweater down on his feeble body, with my free hand I slide it into his cold one and kneel by the bed. "I'm so sorry."

I can feel Bradley standing behind me, his presence one of my most loved and most hated. I couldn't tell if he was angry with me now, for being with Lou even when I should have been helping Niall deal with his problems. But Niall didn't deserve that attention right now, certainly not the way Louis did.

"He looks terrible," Brad comments on his pale skin and purple bruises, I let out a tiny laugh before turning back to him.

"Has he ever looked good?" I say joking with him.

"Not since the day I met him."

"Brad I don't know what to do," I say looking down on Louis and then back to him. "What do I do?" Tears are streaming my face endless as I tuck into the warm of Brad's chest, my breathing is so uneven I can barely think.

"This is all my fault, I should have just forgiven him."

"He hurt you when he said those things Sarah, I understand why you didn't."

"What are stupid words when all I want is to hear him call my name again?"

"He'll come back from this Sarah, he's like a damn cockroach."

"Look at him," I say pulling back from Brad and pointing at Louis. Furious with the fact that Brad was so naive to the circumstances, furious with myself for putting him in that bed. "Look at him..." I say again.

Bradley's eyes trail to where he lays in the bed, limp and still peacefully asleep. Knowing that the pain was so bad that they had to keep him under almost made it worse, the lump in my throat only got bigger.

"Tell me honestly that you'll think he'll come back from that," I say and he just drops his head.

"There's the old Sarah, defeated and easy to give into problems. Have a bit of hope bug, he needs all he can get from you."

"I fought for what I believed in," I argue.

"So football?" he shoots, dropping his eyebrows and giving me his best father look.

"My dream was to play, so I made sure I did. I know I stepped all over you in the process but I've apologized more than a thousand times for that. So stop throwing it back in my face."

"No, I want you angry. It's better than you slumping around like you have been the last two weeks. Playing victim, sitting alone in your bed at night and crying. God get it together Sarah, you could have solved this before it came down to him lying in a hospital bed."

"So you agree, this is my fault."

"That's not what I said," he clenches his jaw.

"No it is," I snap.

"I just want you to show Louis the same fight you've showed me time and time again, he needs you now. For a minute make this about anyone but yourself Sarah."

I don't say anything back I just drag a chair to his bedside and sit down next to Louis. Brad on the other hand isn't about to give up that easily. He stands on the other side staring at me like he's trying to burn a hole through me.

"Niall needs that hope as well," he says and I laugh.

"Ni needs to stop drinking and come home. But he can't seem to figure that part out."

"It's a tired issue with him isn't it?"

"Yeah, real tired." I say gripping tightly onto the hand that lays limply beside Lou. "He's gone through this before, badly."

"You know he loves you right?"

"Enough to come back from this?" I say looking up at him. "I don't know if any of us will come back from what's happened Brad."

"Only he can answer that one bug," Brad says looking down at Lou one last

time, "I'm going to take Liz home for a bit, call if you need me."

I watch him leave, and then turn back to Lou sadly looking at him, trying to see him from before. "There was a time I just wanted to punch you in the face for everything you said to me, all the lies you kept telling just to play on Niall's emotions. But it wasn't his that you messed with, you messed with mine Lou, you took my sadness and turned it into joy and adventure. But what is that when now you stand between the love of my life and my happiness."

I stop trying to catch my breath, trying to stop myself from crying my eyes out there in front of a person who couldn't even hear what I was saying anyways.

"Why is it that everytime I try to piece my life together, it always just rips apart at the seams. Like one good thing is always followed by the terrors of the next?"

I lay my head down on the bed, pressing it to the back of his hand gently. I breathe out just trying to steady my life in that moment. Realizing that one of my best friends my die had done something to me.

My heart felt like it was so broken it would never be whole again, how could I except that from it? But part of me knew that Brad was right, for the past three years everything has been about me. Look where that had gotten us.

"I'm scared Lou, scared that everything that has happened will change me. Change us. I don't want that. I want us all to go back to laughing, playing football and enjoying life. You showed me that, you showed me that I can have that life back after suffering for so long. If I lose that, I don't know what I am anymore."

All of this talking is one sided but it makes me feel better, venting to him without the coherent attitude coming back at me.

"You push me to be better Lou. You make me question boundaries and dare me to be better than them. I'm more adventurous and fun because of you, and I refuse to lose that now."

I stop looking down at him again, praying each time I do that he's staring back at me but he's still silent. "What terrifies me the most Louis is that all that happiness is held in your hands, and I don't know what I am without you anymore."

A rustling noise at the door jolts me from the conversation I'm having with myself but when I turn back there's nothing there. I stand up from the chair and walk over to the door closing it over before sitting back down by Lou.

**Oh Sarah, poor Louis and where the hell is Ni? Comment and Vote my loves**