Salvation | Severus Snape

Chapter 15 - Pulling

"You will not!" he growled, shoving her slightly. "Why are you so insistent on being here, you stubborn witch? I'm busy preparing to attempt to put knowledge into those dunderhead teenager's heads, I have no time for your silly questions."

"What, preparing to yell at them and call them stupid? Don't give me that excuse, you're a master at potions and I'm pretty sure you use similar lesson plans every year. You've been teaching for a while after all," she pointed out.

Severus scowled. "So what? What if I just want some peace?"

"You won't get peace with that sore expression you've been wearing all day," sighed Katherine, pulling a chair from a student's table and plopping down next to his desk. "It's still bothering you."

He gritted his teeth. "What does it matter to you? It's my problem, not yours!"

The way his dark eyes flashed again, livid and threatening, made her heart drop. "Because I care about you. I care about you, and that's why... it hurts to see you like this. You're always suffering but hiding your pain from the world, pretending you're some sort of monster. But-"

"Well what if I am?" growled Severus, running a hand through his raven hair. "You don't know all the things I've done! If you knew..."

"Enlighten me then," she said, leaning back and holding his gaze.

"Just save your energy and leave me be. It doesn't make a difference whether you stay or not!"

Katherine scooted closer to him. He could hear her steady breaths beside him and felt her soft smile despite his refusal to look her in the eyes. If he kept getting lost in that hazel, a never-ending abyss of compassion, he felt he would never be able to get out. Yet once again, she uttered the words his soul was craving to hear. "If it doesn't make a difference... then I'll just stay. I'll keep staying, because I want to be beside you."

His throat was dry and constricted. Seriously, how was it that her words managed to shine so brightly and move his heart? Nobody had promised to stay with him like that. He always felt behind everyone rather than beside them, hanging onto the memories and unable to move forward. He chased after the people he cared about, wishing they wouldn't leave him, but both his mother and Lily had. Even when he first met Katherine, he felt as if he was following after her, being led to wherever she wanted to go because he himself had no purpose. And now here she was, telling him to stand next to her... telling him that she would stay.

"You would stay beside someone who's participated in devastating acts, following along with his Death Eater friends and watching them torture Muggles? Someone who watched Muggle-borns scream and beg for help, but did nothing as the Dark Lord murdered them right before their eyes? Someone whose work caused the death of your friend?" he asked, still in disbelief. The emptiness in his eyes was wavering relentlessly.

"I told you. The fact that you're saying this, the fact that it's haunting you... it's enough for me to believe that you can change. That you want to change, you just don't realise it. You've suffered so much and I just... want to help you see that it's not all worthless. You don't see it until you really consider it."

"I was horrible! Horrible! The choices I've made, they ruined so many people's lives, including my own."

She swallowed, saddened to see how anguished he looked. "I won't lie and say your actions weren't harmful. I completely understand why you feel upset with yourself, but think about it... if you keep on going, you can redeem yourself by becoming better than you were. One day, you'll look back and feel proud of how far you've come since those dark times," encouraged Katherine.

"But Lily... she was the only one who believed in me, and yet, even she left my side. That goes to show what a terrible person I am."

She placed a hand on his shoulder, feeling his deep anguish. "That doesn't show how terrible you are, that just shows she didn't have enough faith to stay at that time. She lost her belief. Simple as that. But I believe. I believe in you now more than anything."