Just hold me

7

We make it back to the hotel and I am completely exhausted. "Go take a nap okay? I'll wake up in a bit for food" I look at Niall and he gives me a small smile. I nod and head off to my room. I change into pajama pants and a baggy shirt and lay in bed and before I knew it I was out like a light.

Niall pov
We make it to the hotel. Mads went to take a nap I'm with the boys and in the living room just going over tour dates and plans.

"So, how is she?" Zayn asked worried, "She's severely underweight and malnourished. She's anemic which means she has low iron in her blood. She has to follow a meal plan and she is very prone to fainting spells so please please please be on the lookout" I looked at them. "What's the meal plan?" Louis asked confused. "Breakfast, lunch, dinner, snacks in between with dessert after dinner" they all nod.

Mads pov:
A few hours have past Niall has woken me up to come to eat food with him and the boys. I don't wanna get up, I just wanna lay in bed.

I reluctantly get out of bed and follow him into the lounge area where the boys are. Why do they have to be so loud? I sigh and take a seat on the couch next to Liam. "Hello, sleepy head," he said in a teasing way. I just give him a soft smile. Harry walks over to me and hands me a plate of chicken, mashed potatoes, and carrots. I take the plate as he sits next to me. "Want to pick the movie?" he hands me the remote.

I took it and looked through the choices and decided on harry potter and the half-blood prince. All the boys were a fan of my choice which is no surprise there.

I haven't touched my food yet. I've only played around with it with my fork. "You should eat," Harry chimed in noticing my full plate. I just look at him and softly shake my head. I'm just not hungry. He then looks over at Niall as if he were my dad and has the authority over me and tells me what to do. "Can you at least try?" Niall  looked at me. I grab the plate and take a bite like I am told to do because that is what I am supposed to do.

Do what I am told.

The movie is over and I only ate half of what was on my plate. I want to get some fresh air and take a walk but I know that the boys won't let me go alone especially given the fact that they just found out that I have a fainting issue now.

I walk over to Harry, "Wanna come on a walk with me?" he nods his head and smiles at me "sure", I go into my room and change into some jeans, and a jumper and put on my shoes.

Harry throws on his shoes and grabs his hotel key. "Be back in a little bit" Harry says to the boys as we head out.

For the first couple of minutes, the walk was quiet which I quite enjoyed. The silence was soon broken by Harry "Want to go and get some drinks?" He said pointing to a small pub.

Fuck it why not, I need a distraction. We go over to the bar I realized the outfit that I am wearing is not bar material but at the same time, I couldn't care less.

We walk in and my anxiety soon heightens when I realize the number of people. "We can go if you want. We don't have to get drinks" Harry notices my discomfort. I shake my head and just walk past him.

I need a drink.

Me and Harry have been at the bar for half an hour now. He texted Niall to let him know where we are and that we will be out late. We are both drinking cocktails mines a bit stronger than his though.

I am already feeling the alcohol but it's not enough to affect me.

I want to feel it, I need to feel it.

"Niall and the boys are going to come and meet up with us," Harry said looking at me I just nod. I walk over to the bar and ask the bartender for two shots of tequila. She hand them to me I gave one to Harry. We cheers and take the shot.

The burning felt nice.

Niall and the rest of the boys arrive. I am on my second cocktail but am only a little tipsy which is not enough for me.

"Hey Mads," Niall said walking over to me. I just smile at him. "You want another drink?" he asked looking at my almost empty cup. "Long Island," I said softly. He nods and walks over to the bar.

I look around at everyone, they are all dressed up in some sort of fancy-ish outfit with makeup and hair done up, either grinding up on some guy or talking to friends. Then there's just me, the silent one who is not wearing any makeup in jeans and a jumper. Although I know once I get drunk I will get more talkative because that is how I can be sometimes.

Niall walks over to me and hands me my drink and sits next to me. "Here ya go," he said as he takes a sip out of his Guinness the rest of the boys get their drinks and join us.

We've been here for a few hours now, "Let's take more shots" I said in an energetic tone to the boys. "Mads why don't we get you back to the hotel it's getting late," Louis said softly. I look at him and shake my head. "No, I don't wanna," I said walking over to the bartender. I heard a loud sigh from Niall who followed me while the boys stayed behind. "Mads, you're drunk, you need to go home and sleep," his voice was stern. "I am nineteenth I don't need you to tell me what to do," I keep my eyes at the bar and don't bother looking at him.

I'm getting kinda tired of people telling me what to do.

I look at the bartender and order a shot of tequila. "Obviously I do if you are going to sit here and recklessly get drunk," his voice got more and more stern.

It reminded me of Dad.

"Niall I need this," I look at him, the bartender hands me the shot. Niall tries to grab it but I take it before he could. "Madeline seriously" I quickly drink it. He just looks at me, "I get that your year was shitty but come on".

Did he really just say that?

I look at him and try not to cry, "I was abused you asshole" I then walk past him and out the pub doors.

I walk down the street and start sobbing.

This is the first time I cried since leaving the house.

Just then someone wraps their arms around me I look up and see Harry. He doesn't say anything and just holds me.