Various characters x reader

More Josiah Nguyen headcanon's

I've realised Josiah is just a cat. Probably 5 cats in a work unifrom

He prefers animals over people

Josiah stays up at 4am and just thinks of the randomest things then spams you about the random thing.

He's a "I love you bro". "Thanks dude" kinda guy, regardless of your gender

He somehow made murder a casual thing. Or at random times he gets bored and "alright I guess I'll go kill someone"

He's a good listener and will let you rant for hours. Even if it seems like he's not listening because he's playing on his games, he is listening.

Sometimes he just stares like a cat. Or one of those people that thinks there is a ghost in the room and will just stare in the corner to freak out this potential ghost.

It's hard to get him truly angry as he isn't an emotional kinda guy and he just bundles his emotions so you can't tell when he's mad at you. Sometimes he uses murder to get rid of that anger but most of the time because he has to be fast he can't.

The one thing that will get him truly angry is if someone was to treat you really badly, like a straight up bully you see in anime badly.

But it's just me stealing jokes and scenes from comedies beyond this point

You: no no
Josiah: *reversed time*
You realising you have to do all your work again: SON OF A FU-

First aid fail (from 'the office')

Gary: so assessing the situation, are they breathing?
You: no Gary they're not breathing and they also have no arms or legs
Gary: .... No that's not part of it
You: where are they? You know what, If you come across someone with no arms or legs do we bother resuscitating them? I mean what quality of life so we have there
The dummy: 🥲
Jackson: I would like to live worth no legs
Damien: how about no arms? No arms or legs is basically how you exist right now Jackson, you don't do anything
Gary: All right let's get back to it cause your lossing him
You: *rapid resuscitation*
Gary: alright too fast. We have to keep a pace of 100 bears per minute
You: okay that's hard to keep track, how many is that per hour?
Josiah: how is that gonna help you?
You: I will divide and then count to it
Josiah: alright
Gary: okay, well a good trick is to pump to the tune of 'staying alive' by the Bee Gees. Do you know that one?
You: yes. I love that song 🎶first I was Afraid. I was petrified🎶
Gary: no it's 🎶ah ah ah ah stayin' alive, stayin' alive🎶
Random spreadsheet guy: you were in the parking lot earlier that's how I know you
You: ...... 🎶ah ah ah ah stayin' alive. Stayin' alive🎶
You and Gavin: 🎶Ah ah ah ah stayin' alive stayin' alive🎶
Gavin: 🎶you can tell by the way I use my walk. I'm a women's man, no time to talk. Music load, women warm, been kicked around since I was born. Well, it's alright, it's okay, you can look the way
You and Gavin: 🎶RIT IT DOO, RIT IT DOO🎶
Gary: okay okay
You and Gavin: 🎶RIT IT DOO, RIT IT IT DOO 🎶
Gary: okay
You: *mumbling* 🎶stayin' alive, stayin' alive🎶
Gary: yeah, okay. You didn't maintain 100 beats per. And the ambulance didn't arrive because nobody called 911, so you lost him.
Josiah: okay he's dead. Anyone know what we do next? Anybody? Gary
Gary: ... I have no idea
Annette: *raise hand*
Josiah: yes?
Annette: we bury him
Josiah: wrong EHH. Check for an organ donor card, If  he has one we only have minutes to harvest.
Jackson: he has no wallet I checked.
You: he is an organ donor
Josiah: he is?
You: yep!
Josiah: give me some ice and a styrofoam bucket! Here me go *stab*
Various people: OH MY GOD! JOSIAH! JOSIAH WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!?
Josiah: we search for the organs, where's the heart, the precious heart?
That one dude that ate dog food: I ain't feeling well, I need to sit down.
You: hey are you okay?
Josiah: *some noises, idk*
Damien: Oh my god! Josiah
Later
HR: can you tell me why you had to... Cut the face off the dummy
Josiah: I didn't think it looked realistic in the movie and it turns out, its pretty realistic
HR: we had to pay for it, it cost us 3,500 dollars
You: 5,300 dollars for a dummy? Wow. Well, okay look, this is why we have training. We start with the dummy... And we learn for our mistakes. And now Josiah knows.... Not to cut the face of a real person.

Gary: there is only one thing worse then a rapist BOOM
Josiah: a child
Gary: NO-

You: do you ever wanna talk about you emotions Josiah?
Josiah: no
That one dude that ate dog food (was it derek?): I do
You: I know Derek
Derek(?): I'm sad
You: I know Derek

Damian: Josiah is so annoying
......
......
......
Josiah: I heard you were talking shit about me
Damian: WHAT THE FUCK?!?!?

Spoiler of the second demo

You: oh I'm going to the archives. Someone pulled a plug or something
Josiah: oh, never heard anything about that
Later
*elevator stopped working*
You: ......
Josiah behind you: 🎶why the fuck you lyin'🎶

Spoiler is over

You: Josiah stop no, Josiah stop! Stop tormenting Mr Jackson
Josiah: Fat bitch!

Spreadsheets guy: Look at this graph
.....
.....
.....
.....

Go to 1:05 to 1:50
You on break: ☕
Gavin running to you: oh no no no no
You: hey Gavin
[Knees you in the stomach]
You: OOF
Gavin: with
You: What. The. FUCK
Gavin: you are one of my very best friend and I cannot let you through away your life like this. Your too you 😢 YOU'RE TOO BEAUTIFUL!!! 😭
You: what the fuck are you talking about?
Gavin: I'm talking about the baby that's growing inside of your belly right now
You: ......
Guy on break: .... See ya
You: ......
You: I'M NOT PREGNANT
Gavin: well not with that punch your not. Heh, I've been taking Muay Thai classes.
You: .... I was never pregnant Gavin
Gavin: .....
You: .....
Gavin: ar- are you sure?
You: YES I'M FUCKING SURE
Josiah: I'm sorry but why the FUCK is everybody yelling over here.
Gavin: oh I found this positive pregnancy test-
Josiah thoughts: 0_0 I haven't fucked Y/N yet
Gavin: and I thought-
[Josiah knees Y/N]
You: OOF MOTHER FUCKER

You showing a new employer around the place: this place is great, you know? It's winsicle and fun!
Josiah: what are you looking at mother fucker!?!

You: what should I do with these files
Gary: just run them by Jackson
You: umm.. Okay?
[Run past Jackson]
Jackson: ..... What was that?

You: would I rather kill Jackson-
Josiah: yes kill him
You: I didn't say the other-
Josiah: I don't need to here it
Jackson: ...... I'm feeling a little unsafe

Josiah: remember this dumbass job with all of these wake ass people
Random co worker: hey
Josiah: hey..... Fucking bitch

You: do you ever walk into a room and forget why you walked in there
Josiah: *stab*
🎶mmm what you sayyy🎶
You: oh that's right I was getting chased by a serial Killer

Derek: alright pop quiz let's say... You're stranded on an island, what do yo-
Josiah: that would never happen to me

(You hosting a party because the boss asked you to, and you got Josiah to help (surprisingly))
Gary: aw (Y/N) this is so nice
Josiah: I put poisoness gas in one of these balloons so if any of them pops you may die

Josiah: I thought you were going to do Valentine's day because that he-beast left..... I believe his name was.... Satan
You: his name is Jackson

(You dragging Josiah)
You: come on we have to go to the Christmas party
Josiah: bah humbug...