You don't see What I see...

1.Life is a Papaya

"You broke my heart but I still love you with all the pieces"

-Alec-

I wake up in the morning with a sigh..

Great, another dreamless night yet again. I look at the digital clock by my night stand and leave out a relieved breath. Today is the last working day of the week. Just one more day before fall break starts.

That's a good omen. I think to myself and push myself off the bed to get ready for a jog.

I change into my tracks, pick up my iPod and head downstairs. I peek into the living room, looks like mom didn't come back home yesterday. My mom is a workaholic - she tends to overwork late at night and leave early in the morning. Sometimes she doesn't even come back home - like yesterday. On the other hand my dad doesn't even show up. He is a programmer/lecturer. It's been a while since I last saw him. They both work a lot to save up for my college that sometimes it makes me feel like they had completely forgotten about me, but I pretty much understand that's not the case. They still love me and care about me. How do I know? Well I'm 17.

But I do want them to leave a message or at least call me but its extremely rare for them to do so and when they do call, they end up asking me for favors. I breath out a sigh and shake my head - to clear my head before going for a jog.

I open the door and step out of the house. The early morning street view is so mesmerizing. I take in a deep breath of the fresh air to fill my lungs and let it out. That makes me smile from the heart. I start to jog while listening to some random songs in my iPod and hymn a little enjoying myself. A couple of songs later, I suddenly freeze as realization takes over.

Damn. Not this song! Before I could pick up the iPod from my pocket and change the song, the lyrics start pouring out

"You, do you remember me
Like I remember you?
Do you spend your life...Going back in your mind to that time?"

It's Enrique Iglesias - Somebody's me. I stand there - frozen - not knowing what to do. I breath in and breath out but the pain in my heart doesn't seem to disappear. A huge part of me wants to skip the song but a small part wants to experience more pain and hurt. Not knowing what to do in my frozen state, I simply close my eyes while listening to the song and experience heart shattering pain as I listen to each line, each word and as I recall everything. Everything we shared, the once beautiful memories which are painful and heavy in my heart now. I listen to the entire song and my mind is filled with the memories we shared together and I can't help myself from wondering how well the song suits me. And for crying out loud it's HER favorite song.

I am not sure, as in why I have this song even now. I tried removing or at least tried avoiding the things that brought back her memories. It's been an year but I can still remember her, singing this song whenever she used to cook for me with a huge smile on her face. Her smile.

I hope there is a day when I can stop thinking about her. I never would have imagined that she would turn into the-one-that-shall-not-be-named person in my world and it's funny that it's her name that occupies the first position of my the-one-that-shall-not-be-named list because even the mention of her name makes my heart shatter into billion pieces.

Geez, I hate her for ruining my life.

I sprint across the street in full speed, not caring about anyone, trying to block the memories. And it seems to work. Running makes me forget about everything. That's the reason why I jog/run everyday. It's like with each step, I feel like I am one step ahead of my past. I feel that I can finally leave everything behind. But the feeling doesn't last forever as I have to eventually stop.