Disappearance

11

I couldn't get out of bed this morning, again, that's now three days in a row. My body feels like an elephant is standing on it, slowly pressing harder and the only way to escape the crushing and scary reality of life is to sleep. When my daughter first disappeared, sleep was the only way to escape the broken reality and now they are re-opening Hazel's case, I feel like all I can do is sleep. When I do eventually go outside, I feel like everyone is watching me. Everyone's eyes are constantly fixated on me the second I go outside like they are waiting for me to break like I'm a china doll. Fixated eyes and guilt-filled smiles everywhere. 

I was about to sleep once more when I heard the front door open and Hazel come in talking to herself softly. I listened to her feet padding on the wooden floors and towards my bedroom at a moderately fast pace. I decided to sit up and greet her, my head in a foggy haze as I looked at the clock,seeing it was just past midday, I felt proud of myself for the first time in days. I saw Hazel open the door and come in with a glass of water and a muesli bar for me, I gave her a genuine smile for the first time in what felt like forever and she very quickly returned the favour. 

"Good afternoon Mumma, how are you feeling beautiful lady? I have brought you some water and a muesli bar, I thought I could brush your hair and we can spend time together, relax and forget the world for a few hours." She said, smiling and passing me the glass of water and the bar. I took a sip of the water and placed it on the bedside table, feeling the water rejuvinate my body, I quickly picked up the glass and finished it off, after which I opened the bar, taking a small bite, whilst watching her grab my hair brush. 

"Thank you my darling. I am extremely tired but feeling a lot better. I would love to spend time with you, although my hair is knotty and  tangled, I have not washed it in days. Could you please open the curtains so we can get some Vitamin D?" I spoke softly, still tired but watched her as she opened the curtains. I instantly felt the sunrays hit my skin and instantly melt into my soul as the warmth hugged my tight, I watched as Clara came over and saton the bed with me, starting to brush my hair softly, starting with the ends. 

It  took a long time for Clara to fully brush my hair, however, it was such a beautiful experience to spend time with my daughter. After she got the knots out of my hair, I took a hot shower and washed my hair for the first time in what felt like eternity. After my shower, Clara cooked us my favourite Chicken and corn soup for dinner and we ate soup and bread at the dining table, chatting about life and all things of wonder. It was an afternoon of fresh air and happiness, something I thought I'd never really experience again. Spending time with my daughter was just what I needed. 

After a hearty meal, a hot shower and clean hair, I felt fresh and clean, refreshed and ready to tackle tomorrow. Before bed, I brushed my teeth and kissed a picture of Hazel, a family picture of thee three of us always sat on my bedside. 

The next day I woke up early. I felt alive. I actually got out of bed for the first time in days, I stripped the bed and put the bedding into the washing machine, than made breakfast. even if I didn't do anything else today, I did a load of laundry, I was proud of myself. I walked into the kitchen and made myself some jam on toast. I drank my water and had a quick shower. Clara came out from her bedroom dressed and readyfor the day. "Good morning mumma, Is that the sound of the washing machine?" She said surprised, looking at me as I nodded.

"Oh mumma I am so proud of you, and you have had a shower and breakfast. Look at you go! I love you mumma, just take care of yourself." Clara spoke with pride, her face beaming with happiness. "I am about to go to work, but I will see you later on today. I love you!" She continued. "I love you too baby girl,  I'll see you this afternoon and I promise to take care of myself." I said smiling and thinking what I can do. After putting y washing on the line, I decided I enjoyed the sun and wanted to do some gardening. I found my gardening tools and went to the back yard.

I spent some time in the gardening when I went inside to get some water, I saw someone walk past out the corner of my eye, I looked out the window and could not believe what my eyes were seeing. He left us years ago, what is he doing back here.

Why is my ex husband back in town...