PLAY WITH FIRE

CHAPTER 28

TW: MENTION OF SA AND SH

HOLDEN KINCAIDE

PRESENT TIME

I fumbled blindly, trying to hit the alarm on my phone with my arm still wrapped around Scarlett naked body. I found my phone, tapping it over and over again but the ringing didn't stop. Scarlett groaned, the sound half waking her up as I sat up, opening my eyes and looking at my phone on the bedside. 

Oh. Someone was calling me. 

"Holden" Scarlett whimpered, nuzzling her face into my bicep, trying to avoid the noise.

"I know. I'm sorry, baby. Go back to sleep" I leant forward, pressing a kiss to her shoulder before sliding out of the covers, sliding my boxer briefs on before grabbing my phone and quietly heading out of the room. I shut the door behind me as quietly as possible as I made by way throughout my apartment, opening the sliding balcony door and stepping out into the cold morning air. It wasn't even 3 am yet. 

I quickly pressed the accept button knowing it'd disappear any second now. 

"Holden Kincaide" I stated tiredly into the phone. There was a shallow breath on the other end of the line before who ever it was spoke. 

"Son?" I was suddenly awake, completely unfazed by the cold wind, my body on fire. I rested a hand against the railing, closing my eyes with a sigh. God no. Not today. 

"Dad?" 

"Hey Buddy" A year since I've heard his voice and it sure was hard to say I missed it. I leant forward, both my elbows meeting the railing as I dropped my head between my shoulders,  my eyes remaining closed as I listened to his breathing through the phone. 

"Why are you calling me? I thought I told you to delete my number" Not I thought. I did.  The second my Mum snapped her neck in that car accident I finally felt like I was allowed to let go. Of everything. Of them. And now here I am, feeling like I'm being sucked back into shit all because my Dad said 'Hey Buddy'. 

"I just...I wanted to talk" I ran a hand through my hair, keeping my eyes shut tightly as I felt the hairs on the back of my neck stand with the wind. 

"I really can't see what we could possibly have to talk about" I replied, looking up at the city in front of me, running a hand over my hand, resting it over my mouth as I stared at the lights. 

"I need someone to talk to" He sighed on the other line. "I just need to talk to my son one last time." I shook my head, not that he could see it. I felt unshed tears burn my eyes and instantly closed them. 

Why does he think he can just continue to come into my life and leave again when he feels like it? Why does he think I want him in my life?

"No" 

"No? What do you mean no?"

"I'm done, Dad. I'm done talking to you. I'm fed up. I. am. done" I slightly snapped, listening to his sharp intake of air on the other line. 

"I'm so tired, Dad. I'm so fucking tired. Every time I finally feel like I'm getting my life back you manage to worm your back back into my life. You don't even realise you're killing me" My voice broken as I immediately clasped my hand over my mouth, not confident I'd be able to get another sentence out without breaking. As my eyes burned with hears, I finally felt like I could feel my heart tearing in two, the bottled emotions and unshed tears finally showing up after years of neglect. 

"Son, I know you might envy me-"

"Envy you? I don't envy you, Dad. I don't pity you. I don't feel bad for you. I hate you" The last three words sounded so feral yet raw coming from my mouth and the sudden jolt on the other end of the line made me realise my snap had made my dad flinch. When a tear fell down my face I quickly wiped it away, struggling to breathe as I stared ahead.