My bachelor party is today!! It's gonna be so much fun!! Wait... Did TED plan it!?!?!?! Crap!!! It will probably be going to like a renAIssance fair on a BUS!! BO-RING!!! Not legendary at all! 😒 THIS IS BASICALLY THE ONLY NIGHT I GET TO HAVE FUN I CANT LET TED RUIN IT!!!!!!!!!! Maybe after Ted's I can ask Marshall to plan one for me? Well I guess I'm going to have to see what he has planned... I meet Ted and the guys outside my apartment, where a decorated LIMOUSINE is waiting for me! It is practically a parade float called the "Barney-mobile" AWESOME!! I wonder where we're going... I hop in and there is a throne in the center, with the top sucking out of the skylight. Sweet! I hop in it and feel the cool air on my face. I'm looking at a TV, with a pre-loaded video... Called The LEGENDARY Life of Barney Stinson, So Far. It appears to be an edited video of me... When did they make this?? Cool!! As video me struts away from an exploding building, the Barney-mobile starts moving. The air rushes around my face, and I let out a whoop. Now where are we going?? Never mind. I'll deal with that in the future. I watch the AWESOME home movie, and I ignore the sights and sounds of classic NYC. We turn onto the road that the Lusty Leopard, the movie ends, and the credits roll. It was ROBIN who made this awesome video!! How weird is that? Anyway, better enjoy myself at the strip club before Ted drags me to some boring architecture thing. YAWN. We walk into the strip club and a sexy stripper leads us to... the back room? Wait... The guys are all getting changed into awesome suits! Sweet! Wait... They can't have better suits than me! Where's mine?!?! Oh...... There.... It's so beautiful I tear up. Tears overflow and drip down my cheeks. A perfect Double Breasted Italian Silk Gold-Weaved Three Piece Suit. I quickly discard the old one (and by discard I mean take it off carefully, brush it off, and carefully hang it up) and put on this masterpiece. I slide it carefully over my skin, and once I'm done, it looks LEGENDARY!!! I'm ready to paaaaaartay!! Oh wait... I forgot to bring my wallet! How am I going to pay for the stripper? Crap! Oh well. I'll just have to tell Ted that I can't pay and that I have to go home to get my wallet. I walk over to Ted but before I can say anything, he says "buddy we've reserved a stripper for you so you don't have to pay." Wow! Awesome!! Just when I thought it couldn't get any more awesome, my get psyched mix starts playing over the speakers in the club! Ted, you're so smart... Wait... Is that Robin? No it was just someone with Robin's hair... Never mind. I shake it off and get ready for the stripper. Another voice comes over the speaker, introducing Karma. She is my stripper?!?! Oh never mind, it is a different Karma. She's quite pretty, but I don't think stripping is the best career for her. She looks like she'd belong... I dunno, in a real job. Her moves are quite good though. Some of the best I've ever seen, but of course Robin's are better. I miss Robin... Oh no! I'm starting to sound like Ted!! I ask Karma for a lap dance in the vip room, but when we get there I don't. I talk to her, find out her real name, (Bridget) figure out why she strips (because she can't afford to not), and I offered her an entry level job in my office. I suppose she's the closest thing I have to a daughter... The closest I will ever have. She guesses that I am really in love with my fiancé, and she is so right. I think that Robin will never have to worry about me cheating on her. She seems too fun for Ted, but I think she'd make a nice addition to our group. She did not accept or decline her job offer, which was just spur of the moment for me, but I can't bear to see a smart girl like her go to waste on some pointless job like stripping. Anyway, I miss Robin. When we leave the strip club, William Zabka, the real Karate Kid, is there, and he gives us each a pile of money. We must be going gambling!! We pile into the Barney-mobile, and we drive off to the casino. My "friends" are there, and I play a game with them. I guess the right hand, and I got the jelly bean! I won back all of my money, and then some. Awesome!! Ted and the others aren't having as much luck as I am, though. They gambled away all of the money packages. Sucks for them! When we finish gambling, we pile into the Barney-mobile yet again, and this time I can't see where we're going. Behind us, a taxi seems to be following us. The passenger is in the back seat... A woman.... Robin?!?!?!? What!?!?! Never mind, it couldn't be Robin... The car swerves to the right as we turn left, so it was just a coincidence... I don't see where we're going but I trust the guys. Hmmmm... we pull up to the laser tag place. I didn't bring my membership card... That means they're gonna have to pay. We walk in and the guys all suit up in green team vests and guns. Robin walks in with a red team vest. She hands one to me. Crap. All of them versus Robin and I? We're gonna win so bad!! Bwa ha ha ha ha ha! We try to start but the lady says that we didn't reserve the place. Robin says that they did, and the lady gives her attitude. Robin DIVES at the lady, CATFIGHT!!! Yeahhhhhhh!!!!!! It takes William Zabka, me, and Ted to pull Robin off the lady. The lady and Robin start laughing, apparently the fight was just staged. We go in. Robin and I get a head start, and we take my favourite spot. I give her a kiss and then it starts. The other team floods in, and Robin shoots down the first attackers while I take care of the ones behind us. Lasers are flying by and Robin jumps down from our spot, a lone soldier in the sea of enemies. I shoot anyone and everyone that I see, Robin and I checking in and trusting each other completely. Robin shoots the last person and jumps up to join me on our pedestal. "You like?" She asks, and I answer "I can't believe I thought Ted planned this." She laughs, and she says she's proud of me. What for? Oh wait... The strip club. I tried to help that stripper. I pull her in close and smell the scent of her shampoo. I can't believe I ever lived without her.
