LET ME LOVE YOU

Chapter 46 - the knight in a shining....sweatpants

Waiting really is painful, especially when that thing you're waiting for seems so close yet too far at the same time, and it was worse for me because the one thing I don't have in this world is patience. So it was basically like I was being grilled alive, but I couldn't possibly make the mistake of letting my emotions get ahead of me, not at that moment at least.

"I have to go now so she doesn't get suspicious, I can see her giving me a weird look already," He said, lowering his voice a little "I'll keep you updated on whatever is going on"

"Okay. Thanks bro"

"I got you"

It was only a second between the line going dead and me falling back into my well of thoughts, which came hand in hand with that emotion I had been trying to avoid; anger.

I had been trying to avoid it because it was a paralyzing emotion that stops me from being able to get anything done. it makes me helpless and absolutely lose control. Though the urge to hurry was beginning to beat through my brain, I knew that was the one thing I couldn't do. Not if I wanted things to go well.

people say that time is money, and I couldn't possibly agree any more. each choice you make has its cost, and delays as a choice to not take action, usually leads to decrease in output.

Patience on the other hand, they say is virtue. And like Adnan said, what patience couldn't give you, impatience will not give it to you, but my own case was totally different because I didn't have a single ounce of patience in me, maybe I did at first, but at that moment, it had completely drained out, all I was feeling was restlessness and just the need to press a forward button that get me to the point I so badly wanted to be in, but I knew it was basically impossible, and much to my dislike, I had no choice but to wait.

And that was the reason for my anger.

That 'waiting' felt worse than anything one could possibly think of. I felt tortured and imprisoned. I used to say that maybe, that little patience I thought I had was being tested, but no, that was straight up torture. when circumstances beyond your control force you to wait with baited breath knowing the outcome will affect your life substantially, that is true torture. It is a cage inside a burning building where every exit is blocked by angels calmly advising you to wait a moment longer. Your choice is to either trust their words or madly claw through them, which I was seconds away from doing because I couldn't take it anymore.

I was eager to just...end this bullshit and finally pour out every single feeling I suppressed inside me for all these months. I had no idea what I was going to do yet, but I knew it would be brutal. It's one thing to come at me directly, but another thing entirely to come for my babe, the love of my life, someone who means the entire world to me. That was the biggest mistake anyone could possibly ever make because when it comes to her, I'll do anything possible to protect her without caring about the outcome. I was ready for war at that moment, and I couldn't wait to unleash the dragon.

It had been over 5 weeks since she packed her bags and left, I remember it vividly. That moment broke me in half like a dry tree branch. Tears poured from her eyes without any change in her facial expression, That was the purest form of pain. I could see how heartbroken she was through her eyes, she didn't even try to hide it, she completely allowed herself to surrender to her sadness, immersing herself in it, separating its numerous strands, and appreciating its subtle nuances. She became a prism through which that horrible emotion could be divided into its infinite spectrum.