(Y/N): Goooooooood afternoon! You've reached the New World Sperm Bank! You squeeze it, we freeze it! How may I help you today?
Paulie: I'm hanging up.
(Y/N): Wait, no, I'm kidding, it's me, your beloved sister!
Paulie: Obviously.
(Y/N): How is my deawest big bwother?
Paulie: Don't you dare start with the baby talk. It's sickening.
(Y/N): But you used to talk to that pigeon Lucci had like that all the time when you got drunk.
Paulie: Why do I even keep in contact with you?
(Y/N): Because you love me oh so very much?
Paulie: Yes, but I keep second guessing it.
(Y/N): Ouch, man. Anyway, what's up? Anything new with you? Got a-
Paulie: No, I don't have a girlfriend yet. Quit askin'.
(Y/N): I was gonna say boyfriend, but whatever.
Paulie: [Muffled Cursing] Not much has been happening. That donation your new crew sent went a long way though, so give them my thanks.
(Y/N): Bruh. That was all from me. You're welcome.
Paulie: There's no way you had all that just lying around, unless you're up to no good.
(Y/N): ...........
Paulie: (Y/N)...Please tell me you're abiding by the law...
(Y/N): ......I adopted a cat. Looks just like you.
Paulie: I'm going to take a wild guess and say that it's hideous and I should be offended?
Boogie (In the Background): It looks like a shrivelled ballsack!
Paulie: Lovely.
(Y/N): A cute ballsack though.
Paulie: I'm going to pretend you didn't say that. Well, at least you'll learn some responsibility, taking care of a pet.
(Y/N): I'm plenty responsible, thank you very much. I cook, I clean, I dress my own wounds, I can hoist the sails-
Paulie: Rewind...
(Y/N): Oh bother...
Paulie: Wounds?! What the hell are you doing where you'd get wounded?!
(Y/N): It's a long story and it involves a lot of drugs, sex and bloodshed.
Paulie: YOU BETTER BE LYING!
(Y/N): Okay, ya caught me. Only drugs and bloodshed. And booze. And balloons, I guess? A little electricity, too...
Paulie: Put that damn captain on the snail. Now.
(Y/N): Can't. He's in the infirmary recovering from impalement. Don't really wanna walk all the way up there cuz I'm eating spagooto. It's delicious, by the way. I'll send you the recipe.
Paulie: I don't give a shit, (Y/N)! You get him on the snail now! Impaled?! I'm not messing around! Somebody other than you needs to-
Killer: I can explain, if you'll quiet down, Paulie.
YOU ARE READING
DOMINO - Eustass Kid x Reader
Fanfiction"Love is like a theif, it robs you of all thought and logic, and all you have left is a heart that you can only pray is strong enough to survive the rest..." - Karina Halle Eustass Kid was quickly rising to the top of the world. Violence was his mi...
