enemies (with benefits) » l.r.h || completed

thirty nine

"Vanessa!" The voice that had calmed me so many times before made me cower in fear. I curled up in a ball, screamed, cried, squeezed my eyes shut so tight I saw stars.

I so badly wanted to go home and lock myself in my room. Lock the doors, lock the windows, pull the curtains back, hide under the covers and sleep forever. An eternal nap. Dreaming of all the good things that could happen to me.

Because that's the only place good things happen to me: In my dreams.

"Snap, out of it!" Another pain struck my cheek and everything stopped. My screaming. The laughter. The whispers. The hands. The stars. The tears.

I opened my eyes to blue ones. And it seemed to be the only color I could see: blue. I felt like I was drowning.

"Get her to the nurse," I looked up and saw the school security guard. Brian was knelt next to me, with Jessie behind him, Axel on his knees on the opposite side of me, Luke on top of me. I was breathing heavy, slowly. It hurt. Is this really how drowning felt?

"V. . ." Jessie was in my left ear. She was the one who yelled at the laughter. I couldn't move.

"Vanessa?" Axel was in my right ear. He was the one who helped me up. I couldn't speak.

"Ness?" Brian's hand was on my shoulder. His voice was no longer calming to me. I couldn't breathe.

I waited. I waited for the voice that mattered most. The voice that told me to snap out of it. The voice the hand that struck me in the face belonged to.

A weight lifted off of me and air rushed into my lungs. The voice didn't say anything. I tried sitting up. I only sat up long enough to watch Luke's long legs walk away from me before I fell back and blacked out.

* * *

Isn't it funny, how we as humans, create scenarios that we wish would happen to make our lives better? Because we think that someday it will come true. I was guilty of that. Always making up in my mind Calum Hood rescuing me from the confinements of my class and take me on a world-wide trip.

But soon, my scenarios turned into Luke saving me from my demons. Why put such a burden on his shoulders? I'm not sure. That's why it's all fake.

But then I realized that I am not Effie Stonem and Luke is not Freddie McClair. He will not take me out to the park and scream at the monsters coming after me. He shouldn't have to save me from the monsters that he didn't cause. I shouldn't have expected him to save me from the darkness I surrounded myself in.

Now, I suffer in a deeper darkness I created for myself to live in. Stuck in conflicts that were self-induced. And Luke will no longer be there to try to help me see the light.

Maybe I didn't want to see the light.

Maybe, just maybe, I wanted to stay in this darkness I surrounded myself in.

Maybe I liked my monsters living my life for me, keeping my company since no one else could.

I found a numbing comfort in the emotional and mental pain I put myself through.

If only I could allow someone to save me, because I'm ready to leave it all behind.

* * *

I woke up, laying on my back, looking up at a ceiling I've only seen once in my life. My heart stopped beating. I tried to scream but nothing came out. I tried to get up and run away but I was tied down. I fought the restraints and I tried kicking but it wasn't any use.

I wanted to cry, to wail, but I just couldn't. I had to lay there. Forced to look at the maniac smile before me and take everything. But I didn't have to take it. So why do I?

A pain shoots through my whole body that jerks me upright from the uncomfortable bed I'm laying in. I clutch my chest as an attempt to calm my speeding heart.

I'm stuck in a deadly silence again. All that can be heard is my jagged breathing and the ticking of the clock. I rubbed my face but stopped when I felt something wet. I pull my hand back in fear that it's blood, but it's clear, as if it isn't even there. I touch my face again and it's only wet on my cheeks.

I was crying and I didn't even know it.

"Are you okay?" I jumped at the words. I almost forgot what words sounded like from all of the silence I've been trapped in. I look to the side of my bed and Brian is standing there.

"Yeah," I croak, looking down at my lap. It's hot in the building. It usually is.

"What were you dreaming about?" I shake my head, ignoring the sharp pain erupting between my eyes. "You can tell me. . ." He says slowly.

"Saturday," I whisper. "what happened. How I couldn't stop it."

"What do you mean?" I noticed he had leaned closer to me and I tried to speak up.

"It wasn't what I wanted," I looked up at him. "they all came at me. No pun intended." I added bitterly. Brian's eyebrows furrowed and it took him far too long to understand what I meant.

"You mean, they taped you?" His voice turned into a hoarse whisper. I only nodded. "Have you told anyone?" I shook my head. "Why not? You need to tell someone! You can't j-"

"I can't," I interrupt him. "no one will believe me, Brain."

"You could've gone to the police immediately, they could've taken samples or something!" I took his information in and I started crying. How did I not know that? Didn't health class teach that? Hell, isn't that common sense?

"I-" I started. "I didn't think anyone w-would-" I couldn't finish. I felt even more idiotic for not fighting them off and not going to the police. Why couldn't I have Brian with me all the time?

He wrapped his arms around me, keeping me close to him. I wish I could find comfort in this gesture, but any kind of touch felt fake, with an evil intention behind it.

"I'm sorry," he said. God, if only 'sorry' could fix everything.

_______________________________

The last few chapters are going to be hard to write on an emotional stand point.

But since there are only a few chapters left until the end, I have to keep the updates coming.

Be prepared.

Twitter: @lukesenemies