thirty nine

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Vanessa

It was like being confronted with close to 2000 judges when I walked into school two days after the incident. Everything seemed to become dead silent. Every single eye seemed to be looking right at me.

Right at the filth invisibly staining my existence.

"I hear she wanted it," a voice whispered from across the locker bay.

"I watched the whole thing," another voice chimed right beside me. "she enjoyed every second."

I try to hold my head high. I try to act like their words didn't hurt. Because they only know what they saw. They don't know what happened to me. They don't know I actually didn't want it.

As I continue walking, everything is still silent. The whispers can be heard.

"I'm not surprised, she fucked another guy behind Luke's back."

"She's a slut."

"She's a whore."

"She deserved it."

I heard that a lot lately. That I deserve it. I deserve a lot of things. But to be gang raped by a bunch of underage teenage wastes? I don't think so.

I walked down the hall, the silence getting louder. I kept my head high but made no eye contact with anyone. I couldn't look at anyone. It was too much to have them look at the filth I am.

I heard a chuckle amongst the silence. My eyes did what I told them not to and looked where it came from. They landed on Fisher. I couldn't stop staring, I couldn't stop walking. He had a maniac grin on his face that he had Saturday, while he did what he did to me.

My head collided with a hard surface and I fell back on my ass. The silence disappeared into deafening laughter. A pain shot through my forehead to the bridge of my nose and I got dizzy. Between the whispers and the laughter and the pain, I almost blacked out.

"Vanessa?" I heard a voice, but saw five of the same faces. Hands lifted me off the floor to my feet. "Do you need to go to the nurse?" The voice echoed every time it spoke. I closed my eyes, rubbing between my eyes. I shook my head then stopped immediately, groaning out loud as I squeezed my temples.

The laughter got louder and louder and the whispers wouldn't go away.

"Vanessa?" The voice wouldn't stop talking to me. I kept seeing five faces. My head was pounding. I saw too many stars.

"V?" Another voice echoes. My eyebrows furrow but I keep my eyes closed. The second voice yells at the laughter. The laughter gets impossibly louder.

I screamed. I fell to my knees, covered my ears with my hands, and screamed. I screamed so loud that my voice cut itself off. I was hyperventilating. Another face formed behind my eyelids. A maniac grin.

"She's fucking psycho."

"What is wrong with her?"

"It's her fault for running into a wall."

"She is such an attention seeker."

"I've seen better acting on Laguna Beach."

"First her sex tape, now this?"

I scream again. I want the whispers to go away. The laughter left, but the whispers are still there. Hands jerk me around. I kick and fight them. 'No' leaves my mouth so many times, to make up for the lack of on Saturday.

Two hands turned into four. Four turned into six. Six turned into too many to keep track. I felt like I was falling down the same hole Sarah fell down in The Labyrinth. Whether they were trying to help me was what I couldn't figure out.

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