If I Stay✔️

51

Was bringing Leo here a mistake? Was he stupid for believing that strangers could help his son more than his own family could? More than he could?

Will he ever look at me that same way again? Zac couldn't help it when his mind lost it's self in old heart warming memories.

When Leo was a kid, between the ages of maybe four and seven. He used to get so excited when Zac came home from school. Everyday, at four o'clock on the dot, Zac would open the front door to their home. He would just manage to slip his school bag from his shoulders, dropping it to the floor by his feet, before a small body barrelled into his knees and bright blue eyes looked up and locked to his.

It was a look he'd never forget. He could picture it now, the way Leo stared at him as if he was the greatest superhero to ever walk on earth. How Leo's eyes would light up brighter than any Christmas tree he'd ever seen, so vibrant and crystal blue. The way he'd gaze at Zac with the most dazzling childlike toothy grin, lifting his arms up just waiting to be surrounded by his older brothers warmth.

Zac missed it, fuck, he really fucking missed it.

As the years went by Leo's eyes grew dull, the vibrancy replaced by a darkness Zac could never begin to understand. His teeth became hidden behind his lips, never once showing that toothy grin Zac loved to see. His smiles were no longer childlike. Instead, on the rare occasions that he would offer a tight, stiff lipped, barely noticeable curve of muscle, it was thought out, pre planned: a false display of happiness that he never truly felt.

Why am I only realising how much pain he must've been in now?

Why didn't I fight more? Why didn't he fight more?

Why did I allow myself to think he was okay, all these years... why?

There was always a small, barley lit fire in the very centre of Zac's heart. One that never fizzled to ash and embers. One made up solely by sticks of hope. Hope that he would be on the receiving end of that look, that smile, that brightness. And maybe, just maybe, he had hope that one day he could once again he the superhero Leo had always portrayed him to be, instead of the villain he now felt.

No, Zac realised, this isn't a stupid decision, this isn't a mistake. These people could help Leo in ways he could only dream of, he knew that for a fact. He'd missed every sign that now seemed so blatantly obvious, so how could he be of more help than trained professionals? Simple answer: he wouldn't be. He'd come to terms with his choice now, he had to do this for Leo, he couldn't throw in the towel now, not before giving this place a chance. And if that meant he had to deal with Leo's anger and hurt, then he would. At the end of the day, Leo could break his heart a thousand times, but never in a million years would Zac ever leave him.

The only mistake Zac now realised he'd made was the way he went about things. He didn't give Leo a choice in this whole process. He told him he was being admitted. He told him it would help him. He told him it was for the best. Never once in all his telling did Zac ever ask Leo how he felt. Never once did he take Leo's choice into consideration. If anything, Zac took away that choice away from Leo, just like he did.

How could I do that to him?

There was nothing Zac could do now to fix yet another one of his mistakes. The decision has been made and there's no changing it, so now the ball lies in Leo's court. This was when his choice mattered most, and Zac was terrified at what choice that may be. It's a coin toss, really. Except, instead of heads or tails, it's fight or flight. And only Leo could be the one to decide if he's flying or falling.