Chasing You

Nothing will never be like before

August 12, 2022
Jersey City

All I could hear were police cars' sirens wailing from a distance. I checked the backseat for him but he wasn't there. I thought maybe they rescued him and that he was alive. I looked towards the driver's seat but it was empty as well.

I felt glad both of them were saved and thought I was dying here. I tried moving out of the car but I guess I wasn't that lucky. All I could do was wait for the rescue team to come and rescue me and until then, I thought of taking a nap because I was feeling extremely sleepy.

"Send backup. There has been an accident down Merrick road. I repeat, send backup, there has been an accident down Merrick road. Two cars crashed into each other and two adults and one child were rescued and sent to the hospital. There are still two persons buried in there."

Why was I feeling this sleepy? It was getting tougher for me to keep my eyes open. I felt at peace when I heard the police say that three people were rescued and sent to the hospital. I felt this sudden urge to close my eyes and when I did, every sound was getting slower with each passing moment.

And after a few seconds, everything went blank. My breath felt hitched as if I was buried alive but soon, it subsided. I wish I could just meet them for one last time and tell them how important they are to me. But I guess this is how this story ends.

Once I opened my eyes, I was in a hospital room. I couldn't move my body even when I tried my best to get up and run out to them. "Ah, you're awake? I will ask the doctor to come to check on you." A policeman said, who was sitting inside the room on a chair and left to call the doc. 

I looked around and found my hands and feet tied up to the bed while my neck was in a cervical collar. My left hand was tied to the bed while the right one had a cast on. Both my feet were tied to the bed and were covered with bandages. 

"Hello Miss, how do you feel?" Doc came in with the policeman.

"Why am I tied up? I need to go find them." I struggled to get rid of the ropes and run but it was nicely tied and was stronger than I was. 

"Because you need rest and you've tried running a million times since you're here so we needed to tie you to the bed. Now, will you please answer my question? What is your name?"

"I said I need to find them, didn't you hear me? Untie me right now."  

"Look, Ms. Chloe, we know everything about you and that is the reason you're tied up so can you please just cooperate and tell me how you feel?" 

"I just want to see them first. I will tell you everything you want later. Please just let me see them, once. Please!" Never would I have known I would be begging just to see him, considering how much I hated him once. 

"Who are you talking about?" 

"Cole Cassidy and Calvin Cassidy." My eyes were brimmed with tears. I don't know but there was a bad feeling in the pit of my stomach. 

"Cole Cassidy was found dead on site and Calvin Cassidy is still under observation after two surgeries which we performed."

"What? Cole was-he was fo-found dead? Wha-what about-what about Calvin? Will he make it?" It felt like my world has stopped when they mentioned Cole being dead. 

"How can he be dead when I am still living? It can't be true, I am sure it's just an error. I am sure he is fine. He can't be dead now. I cannot admit this. It's just a big lie."

"It's not an error Miss and please relax." 

I was losing it but when he said, "Calvin is fine, up and breathing, I didn't say anything but he was under observation. Calm down, Ms. Chloe." I felt like the life which was ejected from me was pushed back inside by the mention of her name. 

"Can I see Cole once, please? Just for once?" I closed my eyes to let the tears escape but I knew if I saw him, I would be uncontrollable. Even though, I wanted to just see him once, to capture his image in my mind which would be forever with me. 

"Let me think about it but what is your relationship with Cole Cassidy?"

"What's my relationship with Cole? I can't even begin to describe it. He is my dearest friend, my deepest love, my adoring husband, and the loveliest father to our child, Calvin Cassidy. Is that enough description for me to see him and Calvin?" 

"He is your legitimate husband, with Calvin as your son?" Both, the policeman and the doctor asked. 

"Yes, so can I see them?" Never in my life, I have felt this helpless. I always thought I always got what I wanted but now, I am not sure. I never wanted Cole to be dead or for us to even have this accident. All I wanted was to live a happy life with Calvin, and him by my side when I raised her. 

"I think one time would do for Cole?" 

"Yes, even one time is enough." I just wanted to see the love of my life, for the last time. 

The doctor asked the nurses to make me sit in the wheelchair and then tie me up so I wouldn't escape but believe me, I don't even plan to. I just wanted to see him and kiss him goodbye, even though I knew it would be the hardest thing to do. 

He was already transferred to the morgue since he had no relatives who would claim his body. He had only me and I had only him in our lives but then Calvin came along and changed the meaning of love for us. 

Once I saw his face, covered with bruises and dried-up blood from spots that were yet to be cleaned. His face was still perfect. I begged for the doctor and nurses to untie me for once to tell him goodbye and after some persuasion, they agreed. 

I got up and rushed towards him to hug him one last time. His body was ice cold. I couldn't control myself and I cried really hard, for the first time in my life, I cried for someone else. I kissed his forehead, his nose, and his cheeks for one last time. I wanted to savor this moment forever. 

I wanted time to stop, stop until I would die so that I could die with him. I kissed his lips for the last time, wanting to remember this moment forever like a photograph in my memory. "I love you, Cole." I whispered and I know I didn't tell him how much he meant to me when he was alive and that is what I regretted the most at the moment. 

I wanted to just keep hugging him and tell him how much I love him and how important he is to me, how much he means to me. I am nothing without his heart and soul because he has mine. It was my heart that stopped working and that died at the moment, was not him but me. 

We still had so many things to do, watch Calvin grow up, watch him have his first girlfriend, buy a decent place for the three of us, there is nothing we did together. There are so many regrets that I feel when I see his face. I kept crying and crying and crying, hugging him until the doctor and the policeman had to force me out of my ward because I was still weak. 

I didn't want to leave him. I removed his ring and placed it on my finger to have a reminder of him, always with me. I was his widow and I wanted to live like that. I never want to move on from him, never. Even if I grow old, I lose all my teeth, I never want to move on from him. Because there is no way I could love anyone else as great as I loved him. 

I love him and only him for the rest of my life, even if he is not by my side. He is the only one who will ever hold my heart in this life and for the other lives, I will ever have. We may have been off to a rocky start, but what came after, was the most beautiful and greatest love, which I won't ever be able to forget.