Madness

Chapter 73

~Life is short, death is forever.~

When we got home it was the middle of the night and I didn't think anyone was awake. When I saw Joanne in her nightgown greeting us with a toothy smile, I gasped in fright. I immediately grabbed Douglas' arm and hugged him a little. He was coming towards us with his arms outstretched, acting in such a theatrical manner that he looked ridiculous. Douglas opened and closed his hand convulsively as he came closer and closer. I could see it in the way the rings clenched his fingers, how hard he squeezed his hand, I could feel it in the way his muscles vibrated with rage. The veins running down his arm seemed ready to explode. I don't know if he wanted to hit her, but it looked that way.

"Guys, you are back! I was so worried about you, are you okay Douglas?"

"Let's go to bed Arte!"

"No, wait... your father wants to talk to you about something regarding the law firm and the university."

Completely ignoring Joanne, who seemed stunned by his lack of response and deliberately ignoring her, he walked towards his father's studio. Before he left, he leaned down and brought his lips close to my ear.

"I'll see you later in my room, make yourself comfortable!"

I smiled. I saw him disappear down the hallway just as I was about to climb the stairs.

"I see you still haven't told him about it!"

I stopped at the top of the stairs, not even turning around to look at her as she clung tightly to the railing of the banister.

"He hates you as usual, don't worry! But rest assured, I will talk to him about it... tomorrow."

I retreated to my room to get changed and started to comb my hair before I went to his room. I leaned against the bed and waited patiently for him to return. Hours passed, but he still did not come. I felt very tired, it had been months since I had had a decent night's sleep. I didn't even notice that I had fallen asleep, all I felt the next morning was a tickle on my back. I slowly opened my eyes and saw that he was holding a blue rose in his hand that he was gently running over my skin. I smiled and buried my head in the pillow as he continued to do so.

"How come you didn't come last night?"

"I'm sorry, my father detained me to talk about the university and a party he wants to throw in my honor."

"Will you stay now?"

"No, unfortunately, my father wants to show me the office that he had built for me. Get some sleep, I'll see you later."

He left the blue rose on my pillow and kissed my forehead before going out and leaving me alone. I slowly tried to fall back asleep, but was fully awakened by the sound of the door slamming. I rolled over to see Joanne walk in undisturbed, watching every corner of the room. I immediately sat up and stared at her, but she looked very different from a few hours before: she no longer looked worried, her face was no longer tense and she seemed to be in a very good mood. She began to walk around the room as if she were the mistress, giving me a damn good bump.

"I'm glad you're awake!"

"What do you want?"

"I've come to advise you."

"What is it?"

"Don't tell anyone, and you can live peacefully with your Douglas."

"We can live more peacefully, as you say, when you are no longer in our lives."

I shunned her and went to my room to get dressed. She displayed a seraphic serenity, too much for a woman in her position. She tapped a piece of paper on her left hand.

"Remember that I am the one who decides."

"For now."

"And forever! I am a very dangerous woman, darling."

"I have nothing to lose."

"Are you sure?"

"I'm very sure."

"But maybe... you will have it soon."

"I don't have any time to waste, so excuse me, but I have to go."

"So you don't even care about the... baby on the way?"

"What? What do you mean?"

"That you are pregnant, honey."

"That's a lie!"

"Look for yourself if you don't believe me."

I snatched the paper out of her hand and opened my mouth wide. I couldn't believe what I was reading. I had to sit down to keep from falling over as I still tried to absorb the news, involuntarily sliding a hand down my stomach.

"You know, I couldn't pass off your death as an accident, but eliminating an unborn child, that's easy. It's not hard to cause an abortion and pass it off as spontaneous. You don't have any proof except some assumptions against me and you really want to risk losing...your baby?" I didn't answer her, I stared at the wall in front of me, I had no words to express how I felt at that moment. She walked past me, smiling contentedly, knowing she had me cornered. "I know this is important news, I'll give you some time to process it. I'll see you at lunch, my love."

I don't know how long I stood there staring at the paper, thinking it was a nightmare. I saw all my plans go up in smoke: the move, the university. I didn't even know if he would accept it. He was so different from when I met him. He was a different person, but would he really want the responsibility of a child? At that moment I was so confused, I didn't know what to do, how to act, who to turn to. I didn't expect this, I didn't know how to tell him, I didn't know how he would react. I didn't know what to do. I didn't know anything!

I took a deep breath and hid it in a drawer that Douglas had reserved for me, under some of my clothes that I had arranged in his room. I threw myself on the bed and stayed there until just before dinner. I needed to be alone with myself. So I tried to stay as far away from Douglas as possible. He noticed and seemed hurt by my behavior, but I didn't want to talk to him without knowing what to do myself. By now I was sleeping in his room every night. I was constantly fighting the feeling of hunger, or trying as hard as I could to keep quiet when I felt sick. Fortunately, there were times when he would be with his father or brother talking about college or studio, and I could think in peace. I spent about a week trying to avoid him as much as possible. I could see how much this was beginning to make him nervous, almost as cold as he was at first. I spent many sleepless nights wondering if it was right to have a baby now. If we were fit to be parents. I was afraid to talk to him. I was reminded of the conversation we had in Alabama every time I got up the courage to tell him. He had been very clear on the subject: his view of children was that they were a hindrance and that he would never have children. When I remembered those words, I trembled. The thought of confessing to him became more and more distant.