Madness

Chapter 39

~Love is a misunderstanding
between two fools.~

It was at that moment that I discovered that it is true that when you are hurt by the person you trust, it is the equivalent of immense physical pain. I felt my legs almost give out. My vision was blurred and my stomach was in complete turmoil. When I saw Melanie come out with a towel wrapped around her body, I was completely out of breath. The sadistic smile she had on her face was a display of her victory. My mouth dropped open as I felt my heart almost stop. The realization of what had happened made me slowly back away from him, still unable to process it. My eyes darted from Douglas to Melanie: he was still staring at me with the ice mask he'd put on, and she'd dressed calmly, not seeming to notice me. I savored a warm tear that had slipped unnoticed down my face as I opened my lips to speak. I quickly wiped it away as I felt more of them fall down my cheek to the back of my neck. I tried to speak, but nothing came out of my mouth. I could only feel the huge lump in my throat that prevented me from speaking. Only what could have been close to a sob came out. It made me fall silent immediately and close my eyes.

"Well... Douglas, I have to go. It's been a very fun week."

I heard the patter of his footsteps through the silent room. I felt the click of her stilettos stopping right by my side and her breath close to my ear.

"He always comes back to me, sweetheart. He wouldn't waste his time with a naive girl like you. He's looking for a woman!"

After she had said that and left the room, I finally opened my eyes wide and met mine with his own. It was as if I had a glimpse of remorse in them, but in mine? I think he could read the abyss he had opened in my heart. My eyes were like a mirror broken into a thousand pieces. We stared at each other for endless minutes. The more I stared, the more I fell apart. The tears continued to flow without me controlling them as they washed away all the disappointment, anger, pain and sadness I felt at that moment. When he parted his lips in preparation for a speech, I turned and headed for the door. I stopped in my tracks when I saw Steph leaning against the door. She was almost hiding behind the frame with a look that almost wanted to apologize to me. I didn't pay attention to her. I ran into my room, locked the door and threw myself on the bed. I heard Steph knocking on the door and calling my name loudly. I completely ignored her, my face hidden in the pillow and the tears that continued to fall undaunted. How could I have been so blind that I could not see what was happening? How could I have allowed myself to be so deceived? He himself had offered me help in philosophy of law in exchange for that damned party. Everything for her, his great love. Anything and everything for that woman. It was all a game between the two of them. He used me, threw me away, humiliated me like a broken doll. Did I really deserve all this? Was I really worth so little for him?

I was crying so hard that my chest ached. I felt my stomach in turmoil. I couldn't move, it was as if my whole body was paralyzed with pain. I was not hungry, thirsty or sleepy. The only thing I wanted was to wake up from this monstrous nightmare. I reached for the phone and through the tears I could barely catch a glimpse of the number I was about to dial. It rang. Clear.

"Hello? Arte? Are you there? Are you all right? Arte? Arte? Hello? Are you..."

I dropped the phone and hung up, not being able to say a single word. I wasn't in the mood for tears, at least not in front of anyone. My father had always taught me that crying was for the weak. You should never show your weakness. Never. Under any circumstances. But how to deal with all that pain? How can you suppress it in the most secret corner of your soul? The tears would wash away at least some of the suffering I felt. And in the midst of all this torment, all I could do was think of him. His silver eyes, his blood-red lips, his translucent skin. I hated myself. I was almost disgusted. He had betrayed me, my trust. He had betrayed us! And what about me? I thought of him. He had not thought of me for a second while he was with her. I turned the bracelet that he had given to me one last time before I got up and threw it out of the window. On the desk I found a golden sword-shaped letter opener glowing in the lamplight. I picked it up as if I was crazy and opened the cupboard doors and grabbed the dress he had bought me. I grabbed it and started stabbing, the blade slicing through the dress with each movement, tearing it until nothing remained but black shreds. I began to breathe heavily, trying to keep my composure as the blood began to ooze out of the small cuts that I had made. I started looking at my clothes, one by one. I found the red one I had worn to that damn party. I looked at it and pulled the dress off the crutch. All the memories of that night were so clear: him holding me tightly, our breaths coming together, our hearts beating in sync, his eyes on my lips. If I closed my eyes, I could still smell the vanilla scent that was his signature. I let out a bitter sigh as I let it go and went to the bathroom. After I had filled the tub, I slipped into it and let myself be enveloped by the warm water. I stared at an undefined spot on the wall. How could I have fallen so low? How could I have been so broken up over a man that I had barely even known?

As I reached for the sponge, I realized that my right hand was still gripping the letter opener with a firm grip. Without thinking about it, I ran the blade across my wrist and watched as the water began to turn red. I did not feel the pain of the cut. Perhaps it was because the water had dulled it, or perhaps because I was not there. I let myself sink into the now scarlet water, leaving bloody footprints on the porcelain. I had one last look at the purple water and had memories of the last time my father had taken me to the sea. It was warm, but the sea was rough. I jumped in anyway and tried to tame the waves, not listening to my parents. Unfortunately, I was too far out in the open sea where there was no bottom and the beach was out of sight. I went under the water with a lot of groping and a lot of drinking of water. At that moment I felt like I was in the same situation: I had always been in the open sea, but unlike that time, I had no desire to come up to the surface. I felt almost transported to another dimension, I wanted to stay there: not thinking, not hurting, but something made me come back up.