All this Time

Nathan

3rd March

Sometimes, I get fucking fed up with the students I have to deal with and their conquest to be as fucking reckless and self indulgent as possible. It's like there's a bet going. Who can achieve the most self destructive bullshit before third period?

I'm in my office filling out a report form on my laptop because as much as I want to keep students off the record and deal with their behavior under the radar, I wasn't the only teacher that caught Brodie and Lauren setting another students locker on fire.

Bri and I spent most of the morning listening to the two girls explain that this only happened because Kurt, the one who now has charred text books, is a creep who felt up Lauren's little sister at a bonfire over the weekend.

The fire was meant to be some sort of poetic gesture, a subtle but obvious message for Kurt if he was intelligent enough to put two and two together.

Lauren and Brodie aren't the most problematic students I've ever had. Decent grades and respectful attitudes for the most part. I'm not one to shrug off their reasoning and I'm going to include that in the report. Still, I wish they would find methods of revenge that didn't include school property.

There was a look of realization on their faces when I explained that Kurt doesn't suffer a whole lot for a damaged locker and that impact just falls to the budget which pays to replace it.

Bri didn't appreciate that I suggest the girls aim for his car or perhaps just a good old fashion police report.

One thing I know, I'll be keeping watch on Kurt Ingles from now on. I'm sure the girls think teachers couldn't give a fuck about what goes on between them, but I do. I care if there are perverted assholes making the girls uncomfortable and I'll make it my problem if I catch wind of it.

My desk is scattered with papers, forms from students, letters of recommendation I need to scan and email, the coffee mug next to me has gone cold. Pushing a hand through my hair, I notice a figure appear at the door and look up to find Gabrielle standing there in a beanie, a jacket and thick leggings.

I lean back in my seat and smile. "This is a nice surprise."

"I finished cleaning and thought I'd drop in," she moves inside the office, looking around at the clutter of equipment and paper. "I was curious about this little office I've heard about."

"Come here," I gesture for her to come behind my desk.

She does and as soon as she's in front of me, I wrap my hands around her thighs and pull her down to straddle my lap. Her little humph as she sits and grips my shoulders is a mix of surprise and arousal. I give her a rough kiss and think perhaps I should've told her to close the door.

When she leans back, she continues glancing around at the mess I've managed to make since the semester started in August.

Ever since the weekend, when Gabrielle tested me on how much change I'd tolerate from her, she's been more reserved. It's killing me because I want her to do whatever she needs to, to find herself, whatever that requires, I'll support her.

So I can't figure out where her walls have come from but I'm desperate to bring them back down.

It's a gut feeling, a shift in her energy. It's not something that's easy to pin point but I can feel it nonetheless.

I'm convinced that moving too fast spooked her. Telling Lydia made it more real than she'd realized. Whatever happened, something has made her withdraw and while she's still here with me, I can feel her pulling back.

It fucking terrifies me because she could up and leave for California and there would be nothing I could do to stop her.

Part of me gets it. She hasn't been single for long, she hasn't taken that time to get to know herself outside of a relationship. But now that we're here, I don't want to let her go. When I told her we shouldn't blur the lines, this is what I was afraid of. I'm in too damn deep and I don't think I would ever get over her.