His Queen

27. Queen of My Heart

Damien's POV

My own thoughts weren't clear to me until I recited them out loud.

This whole time I had been delaying the discussion of my marriage among the council, trying to find loopholes to escape what comes next. But now that I think of it, I wasn't trying to save myself from it, I was trying to save Aliya from the unimaginable pain that comes along with it.

The pain of watching your mate belong to another.

If I was to go forth with the marriage and mate with another female, she would feel the ultimate ache of losing me. It may be something she might never recover from, because at the end of the day she was human. A human connected to a vampire for the rest of her life.

It was easy for me to be selfish and consider myself first, but somehow I moved past that a long time ago without even realizing it.

For her.

Protecting her from ever feeling that pain and emptiness that comes with losing one's mate became a mission of mine.

I meant every word I said.

If I can't be hers then I can't be anyone else's.

It would kill her and that would kill me.

Aliya grabbed my hand and squeezed it between her palms, "Damien, I'm so sorry you have to go through this. I feel guilty because part of it is my fault you have to put up a fight against your own people, your advisors. You said you need your mate to have a child and that would be me, but I can't give you that. I'm not-"

"Let me stop you right there," I said, "none of this is your fault. Why would you even think that?"

"Because I'm the one who's not ready to—"

"I know, and that's okay. You don't have to explain yourself or be ready for anything that your heart doesn't desire. I only told you that to make you understand a point. That point being I cannot be with anyone else besides you."

Aliya opened her mouth to say something but thought against it.

Sometimes I wish I could just read her mind like I used to. But I had to respect the promise I made to her about not doing that again.

She tried again, "even if that means being alone for the rest of eternity?"

There was hesitation in her words, spoken slowly and just merely above a whisper. I think she was afraid of the answer I might give her. But there was no more confusion in my mind.

"Even if that means being alone for the rest of eternity," I confirmed.

She was taken back, surprise written all over her admirable face.

Hell, I was surprised too.

I had never met anyone who I was willing to sacrifice my entire being, my entire life for. Even with Katrina it was never "if not you then no one". I could never imagine myself not being attracted to other women besides a single one. Could never imagine putting my life on hold for anyone, be it Katrina or anyone else.

So if I thought that was love then what do I call this?

"Will you wait for me?" Aliya asked me a heavy question.

Wait for her?

I think she might be forgetting I have an unlimited supply of this very important thing called time.

"To wait is to expect something, and I don't expect you to accept me or the life that I offer. More like, the undeniable list of madness that comes along with it. You don't have to feel pressured to choose."